Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Giant Melting Pot of Music.

So today, I had my ipod on shuffle. Every song played was an interesting mix. One second Miley, the next Nicki Minaj, and then Bright. My ipod has turned into the giant melting pot of music. So, I've decided to make a list of songs that are my jam this week.
  • "Marry the Night" by Lady GaGa. Yes, I bought the Born This Way CD. One of my best purchases of my life. It's very different, some catchy pop and some metal. This song is my favorite on the CD, because it talks about surviving, and it's talks about living without any regrets. It has become my personal anthem, needless to say.
  • "Rockstar" by Hannah Montana. Everybody has musical guilty pleasures right? This song is actually relatable, and I can't help but sing along to the words.
  • "Man of Fire" by Andy Gibb. Brother of the Bee Gees, he has amazing talent, and it was a shame to have lost him at a young age. His greatest hits are really good, and he has amazing vocals.
  • "The Big Bang" by Rock Mafia. Saw the video on VH1. Good stuff, calm indie-rockish music. Good stuff there.
  • "Forget You" by C.Lo Green. This guy goes sick in his vocals. I love the emotion, in addition to the video was something completly different than what you see today. The song takes heartbreak to a whole other level. Me likey.
  • "Get to Know Ya" by Jesse Johnson. Eighties music is amazing. This song is one of my favorite love songs from then.
I think I have more music then the radio...just saying. Well here's a playlist for all of ya'll out there. Listen at your own risk.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Multiple Love?

Have you ever experianced feelings, like a crush type of thing for multiple people at the same time? Like there's that one person who you've liked for months and months on end, and then all of a sudden you get feelings for someone else, yet the feelings for that other person never seemed to go away. So you lie there, confused and unsure what to do.
Does that make any sense? It did, while I was typing it...maybe not. I don't know, I'm a basket case, and we basket cases tend not to make any sense whenever we talk or say anything.
Anyways, what makes you get an answer on what to do? I pray sometimes on what exactly to do, because I believe that God could help me not screw it. (Hey, believe it or not, I am religous.)
So I sit here. Listening to Conor Oberst, trying to figure out what to do with my life. Maybe I need to get away from this situation. Maybe I should figure out what got me here in the first place.
And what did get me here in the first place? I don't know myself. Maybe I'm tired of waiting? Maybe I like to flirt?  Maybe I need to get a hobby besides flirting. I sound like every other teenager with hormones, and a desire for a relationship.
Maybe I should just wait and see what this sea of love wants me to do. Whose shore will I wash up on? Time will only tell.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Father and Daughter.

They say that the relationship that a father has with his daughter is the one that shapes the relationships that a daughter has for the rest of her life. Like if she has a horrible relationship with her father, than she will be searching for the relationships that she never got from her father in complete strangers, searching for that love in just about anyone.
Man, that was deep. I should be a poet or something.
Anyways, back to what I was saying. I often wonder if the fact that my father never made the effort to make an impact on my life, whose footprints imprinted me the most. If my father never had left my mother, never left his kid, then would I be living a different life?
Funny how fate works.
I often wonder if that had anything to do with the way I am now. Would things have worked out with Harry if they had with my dad? Would I even like Big? Or would I even know him?
I spose that all my life I had looked for what I never had. What I always wanted. Someone to tell me that I mean something to them. Someone to tell me that I'm not a complete failure. When I'm sad, they will be there for me. Someone who I wouldn't have to doubt that they are going to back out of their word, like Harry had once done.
If my relationship had been successful with my father, would I still even want these things? Or would the things that I want and think would be different, because my home life isn't broken?
Man, I'm thinking deeply today..maybe I should get a cookie.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Love and Logic.

Today, while getting up this morning, I wondered is there a logical way to love? Is there any logic involved in the act of love? Or is the game of love a game that everyone has the dice of, but no one knows how to play, nor how to win? Is there any logic in finding someone attractive, particaularly that person that's your best friend, that you've always had feelings for.
In Hollywood, we see lots of examples of logicless decesions. One example is in a little movie called Titanic. We see Rose refuse to get a boat to escape the boat, so she can save Jack. Once she saves him, she and him go to find a boat, but they were only boarding women and children, so Jack was out of luck. So Rose, gets on, and then ends up jumping off of it before it lands on the water, and runs to find Jack.
Another example is in the Sex and the City movie. We see Miranda use logic to dictact her decesion to keep on being married to Steve, or divorcing him. Altough I won't tell you what exactly happened, I will tell you that she had to throw out the facts, and celebrate the feeling that she had.
Both women used two things to make her decesion: Love and Her Heart. They used their love for the other person to show them how much they meant to them, and their heart to help them realize what is good for them. As Lorelai Gilmore says, "matters of the heart always come out in moron."
I often wonder what would happen when I truely met the one. I often wonder if I already had, and I screwed it up already, but then I realize that sixteen year olds really don't need soulmates. I often wonder if when I first met Big, when I felt that lightning bolt, and fell for him. Of course, in life nothing is that easy.
I think it's best to love yourself first and foremost. That relationship will last for a lifetime, as who knows about the other ones. All I know is there is no logic, and that's why I trust it.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

How to Get the Girl to Be Yours.

Recently, I was talking to a guy friend of mine, Christopher. He likes a girl and he, being the shy and loveable guy he is (kinda like a puppy dog), I figured I'd give him some advice, well from a girl's point of view of what makes a boy well boyfriend material.
  • Show her what a nice guy you are. Wish her a good morning every once in a while, all that jazz. You know, try to make her day. Girls like that you know.
  • Try to get alone time with her. Not with your friends. Just you. Girls think that guys are different with their friends than they are alone. Show her that you are not just loyal to your bros, show her that you are loyal to her as well.
  • Don't be so desperate. Don't hang out with her every second that you have, because then she'd figure out that you like her.
  • Lastly, be yourself. No one likes a fake person.
If you gentlemen follow these steps, then maybe, just maybe, you'd be getting it in. Just saying.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Ghosts in your Closet

The past has its way of creeping up on you, have you ever noticed that? Like one day, you would be looking foreward to your future, and all of a sudden, you're thinking of the relationship that you once had, or the ghost in your closet.
Harry, the ghost in my closet, came into a conversation a couple of days ago. Something about him moving away. And then I noticed that I didn't care anymore about Harry. I only wished him the best, and that he would have a chance at truely being happy, like I am.
I would not say that I've hidden the fact that I still have some sort of feeling for Mr. Big. I don't know what the hell they are, but they are feelings, and they are there, existing. I don't know what the hell I plan to do about them, because he is one of my best friends, but I guess all I could do is wait and see. Christopher, however, I discovered, I like as a friend more than I do as a lover, and the fact that he is friends with Charlie Sheen is not very helpful to me.
My past will always be my past. You can not rewind and change all of the stupid things that you have done on the tape of life, you can only press the play button. However, you can think of what you did in the past to keep it from affecting your future, by not putting that mistake on repeat.
In the end, the ghosts will be in your closet for a while. Some will be more visable then others. Some will haunt you for years, some will never come into sight.
And some will lead you to your own Mr. Big, and you can't help but be happy that the ghosts are there in the first place.
How could we get rid of these ghosts? By taking it one day at a time. It's all any of us can really do.

Monday, May 23, 2011

It's All A Balancing Act.

Have you ever had that one friend that always seems to change her life in the style of a 180 whenever she gets a boyfriend, or new crush? She joins drama, because he's in it, changes her hair, because he likes girls that way, forgetting herself and her friends in the process. And when she gets dumped for being too clingy, because he needs some time with his bros, she has nothing going on for her? I believe she is suffering from Mosquito syndrome, when she sucks the life out of someone who doesn't want to be that way. And then she comes crawling back to you, because she has nothing else better going on in her life, and has no one else to talk to.
Mosquito Syndrome is when you are constantly with your loved one, forgetting that there is other things to worry about out there, basically losing yourself, so you can be with him, fitting in their mold, rather than being yourself, and him liking the real you.
Having Mosquito Syndrome is unhealthy, for the relationship and for you. You lose your friends and yourself in the process.
I believe in the whole balancing act when having a boyfriend. Some days spent with your friends, others spent with your loved one. Having a boyfriend doesn't mean that you have to become MIA to your friends. Your friends were there first, and let's face it, boys and girls think differently. You need girl time, and he needs guy time. Spending every waking moment with one another will only make things tense, and relationships are happy things.
The balancing act is difficult, but have you ever heard the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder?" It's true. Taking some time will also be better for your relationship, in addition to you.
Basically, the moral is don't spend all of your time with your boyfriend. You have friends too. Hoes before bros.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Some Music I've Been Addicted To.

So I've been listening to a lot of music lately, thanks to borrowing CDs,  itunes cards, and of course the main sources to finding amazing music, AOL music and Vh1 . I feel like sharing theme with you all, because music is good, and you should all enjoy good music.
  1. "The Big Bang" by Rock Mafia. I watched the video yesterday, and ever since then, the song has been stuck in my head.
  2. "Four Winds" by Bright Eyes. This has to be one of my favorite songs by them. It talks about subjects such as religon, and talks abotu serious topics, unlike some songs in the top forty.
  3. "I've Had the Time of my Life" by Bill Medly and Jennifer Warnes. Yes, that's the song from Dirty Dancing. It's a song about young love, and experiencing it for the first time. It also has an amazing beat to dance to. Also, it was like one of the number one songs to dance to at weddings in the eighties.
  4. "Biazzere Love Triangle" by New Order. Ohh, the eighties was a brilliant time.
  5. "Rapture" by Alicia Keys. Ironic, because the world was sposed to end yesterday due to a rapture. But seriously, whenever I listen to this song, I'm reminded of Sex and the City. (Of course, it's on the second movie's soundtrack)
  6. "Visitors" by ABBA. When I think of the seventies, I think of ABBA. Unlike "Dancing Queen", this song isn't as catchy, but it shows how amazing the band truely is. It's one of my favorite songs by them, other than "Our Last Summer", "Does Your Mother Know?" and "When All Is Said and Done."
  7. "Dude Looks Like A Lady" by Aerosmith. This reminds me of Mrs. Doubtfire.
  8. "Shoulda Said No" by Taylor Swift. Hey, who doesn't love her? She writes so many amazing songs.
  9. "The Beach" by All Time Low. I want summer, like now. But this song is the closest that I'm going to get for now.
  10. "No One Would Riot for Less", by Bright Eyes. A love song about the end of the world. Now, that's talent.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Respect.

There is something that we are going to have to learn eventually in life: some people are just jerks to us. There is no ifs, ands or buts about it. It's a ways of life. Some people will never get along with others. But if you don't like someone, you still have to respect them, no matter what the reason may be not to like them.
I believe that respect is something important in every situation. Having respect for one another, in addition to having respect for someone's property, or personal space, shows that you are a classy human being, and won't go to further extremes to show your dislike for that person.
Of course, there are some people that do not get this. Some people need to learn respect.
R E S P E C T!
See? It's pretty easy to spell. They even made a song about it.
You may have kindergarten crush syndrome, but in order to get a girl, she has to like you. You may have no idea what you're doing, but in order to get a girl to like you, you do not put your feet on her ass. Nor, do you tell her to go fuck herself. Just saying, that's not the way it's done.
Maybe if that's the way you act around a person than you are immature, and are not fit to be around humans. Or you need to realize you're not going to get any, and move on.
And, if you don't like me, then you are not going to get any girls like that. You need to respect women, because we are not devices that make you sandwiches, and have sex whenever you want. We have feelings, Charlie Harper, and we don't just do what you please.
So please, Charlie, learn some respect.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

So, I Guess It's Okay to Be a Flousy

The other women in society have been viewed to be enimies of the children. They are viewed as Cruella Deville, purely evil, wanting to change your way of life. You will always think of then being the one that broke up your parents, or the one that will replace your mother, even though you live with your mother most of the time. It's a sterotype, brought on by movies, books and televison shows. The stepmother is always going to be the child's enemy. Like in the movie Stepmother, with Julia Roberts.
But unlike most sterotypes, this one is true.
And how do I know? Well I lived it.
My parents were spilting up around the same time that I learned how to walk. My stepmother came into the picture soon after. She was the total opposite of my mother. My mother, although sometimes now we tend not to get along for some odd reason, (teen angst) was warm and caring. My stepmother kind of reminded me of an ugly verison of a barbie doll. She was cold, and plastic-like.
Over the years, I had felt uncomfortable visiting my father, because of her. She was the type that had her men whipped. Whatever she said went. If she wanted something done, it was done. She nagged whenever someone had a cookie in their mouth, reminding them that they will one day become obese. She was a coldhearted bitch, basically. I blame her, not him, because she is the reason why we're not that happy father and daughter relationship.
Recently, the witch took me out for lunch. Not passing up a chance for free food, I said yes. (Hey, don't judge. Who wouldn't take up a meal when some else is paying? Oh, this is not helping my case at all) After deciding to get coffee instead, we sat down.
After some small talk, she got down to business. She began with "you're father and I love you very much." I remember thinking this couldn't be good.
She proceeded to tell me things. Things I didn't want to hear. Things that I will not rewrite, because blocking them out was the only thing I could do in order to keep myself sane. She told me basically that my mother is a liar, and that my father is the prince of bel-air.
Maybe my mother is biased, but then again, he cheated on him with you, you whore. Marriage is a vow that if broken, I guess would hurt. You can not underestimate the pain of having your husband, who vowed that he would be there for you, for better or worse. I don't know myself, but I'm guessing it's pretty painful to go through.
Thanks to you, I guess you woke me up. I guess me and my father's relationship is a tad bit better, because we try to have monthly visits. I strive to have a relationship with him, and I understand that he loves you. But, you. I'm not ready to deal with you just yet.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

True Blue.

A lot of things impact the way we feel. A lot of things can effect the way we see things. Things such as past relationships, things such as taking a simple class just so you can no longer consider yourself a complete failure, can change your fate in drastic ways.
Sometimes I wonder about fate. I guess if it's not in the cards, than it will be someday in the near future. We need not complain, because then we will have to worry about things we can not control.
I have a friend that has never been in a relationship. She is eighteen, and I guess she's an okay person to hang around, although sometimes she can get annoying. She's sometimes clingy like a lint sheet, but I guess we can never shake those off of our past. Sometimes, she complains about how she has never been kissed and all of that jazz. Although I admit, I am sometimes like that, and I try not to be, no one really wants to hear you complain about your lack of love life.
In life, we just need patience and open minds. Although I'm working on both, there are some people who have it. We need the patience to wait for the real reward in life, whether it may be in love or in success in a field. If we had patience, than we would know that in time, we will have what we truely want. Society has turned into instancy, often forgetting what is truely important. I'm trying to remember what truely is, and sit back, and enjoying the view of what is patience. We need open minds, so that we can not judge people for being gay or straight, or having a viewpoint how one should act whether they are male or female.
If we posses this qualities, then we would have a more peaceful society. We will not however, have a perfect one because we are human, and nothing can truely ever be perfect. There is no such thing as perfect when it comes to humanity, so therefore no society can be perfect.
With those two qualities, everyone can get along. Everyone can help each other, and everyone will not live in a standard shifted world.
Then a love life will be more successful, because we have opened our hearts and having an open heart to someone is one of the best feelings possible. It is knowing that they are true blue to you, and only you, knowing that their heart is yours and vice versa.
Sometimes being true blue is the best thing for us.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Work.

They say in order for a relationship to work, both parties have to work for a greater outcome, or the common good. If one person works harder, while the other simply doesn't care, then the person working harder will get tired.
In life, we have to give to get. We have to give time and energy for money. We have to give effort for good grades. We have to give love to get love. We have to give respect to get respect. It's the way that the world works, its the way that it always has been, and it's the way that the world will always be.
In relationships, it works the same way. Not just in relationships of love, but in relationships of every kind with everyone. Relationships of all kinds are like plants. They need tender loving care to grow and to blossom into something truely great.
The realtionship that I'm thinking of today is the relationship between father and daughter. On the show Sex and the City, one man commented that a girl's relationship with her father shapes her relationships with men, and with others.
Those who are close to me know my father to be a man that is rarely, well there. He left when I was a toddler, and came only in guest appearances in the production of my life. He cheated on my mother, despite what he may say, with somone younger, who is more physically fit, and thinks she is the prettiest and best person on the planet, but when you get right down to it, someone who cheats on her husband with a married man is not the type of person that you would consider a role model.
I often worry that I will turn out like my father. I worry that one day, when I am married with child or childs, that one day I will wake up and decide that I don't want this life anymore, and leave a life that I have promised God and everyone elsee. I worry that I will hurt my spouse, and I worry that I will hurt my children, and that one day, they will grow up to hate me. I am like him in most ways. I look like him. I act like him. We share eating habits (well we used to). We both are addicted to technology. We both like some of the same things.
In life we need work. Work is the one way to be sucess. To relationships, to succeeding in the business force, and or course to make some good old cash. However, having someone doing the work that is only yours won't do the job.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Is there a Right Brand of Person?

There are so many different brands of clothing out there. American Eagle, Coach, Louis Vuitton, and I could go on all day. Some have better quality then others. Some have the jeans that make us look ten pounds smaller than we actually are. Some we run to whenever we need to look great. Some last forever, some last for a few days.
I got to thinking about whether we brand people as well, the same way we brand jeans or shirts. After all, there are different kinds of people. If we were the same, then the world would be very boring. Do we brand people? And if so, is there a right brand of person?
You have the nerdy, type of person, Harvard or Yale bound. They tend to be the type pleasing most to parents, the type that you usually would need a dictionary to understand.
Then you have the rebellious people that your mother told you to stay away from. The type that would cut class, the type that would do something, and not care about what others say. For example,  Jess from Gilmore Girls. A lot of people branded him the type that he was the kind of person to stay away from, and so they did, mainly because they thought he was trouble. But he wasn't. He was misunderstood, and rebulious, at most.
Those are two of the many types of people out there. There are so many more, like there are jeans. Also, like jeans, some people tend to fade quickly, while others would last for years and years, maybe even a lifetime for all we know. Some will be the ones we turn to when we need them the most, like for a special occasion, or a time when you need a shoulder to cry on. Of course, sometimes, we need to stop sticking to one brand, because there is more than that one kind out there.
Reaching out, and expanding our horizons, might be the beginning of a new era without judgement.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

A Note to My Little Sister

I often wonder what my life would be like if I didn't do certain things, if I had listened to my gut instead of my hormones, or peers, telling me to do something. Although I can not rewind the past, I can share my experiances with someone else, a friend, or someone who I think of like a little of sister. I'm writing this with Charlotte in mind, so maybe, she wouldn't do as many stupid things as I did when I was her age.
Charlotte, I hope you know you can come to me for anything. I've been there, time and time again, pushing the world out, because you don't trust people for some odd reason or reasons.
Throughout my own freshman year, I only had one goal in mind: to get a boyfriend. I know it was pathetic, but it was true, and it was the only thing that I can remember about it, and I was desperate enough to go out with anyone, even guys who were total creeps. I regret it now, because I could have used that time to make friends, and to find myself so I could eventually be with someone. The key point of this is that, don't go out with someone, just to say you have a boyfriend. Go out with someone because you actually like the kid, and want to get to know them. But, you're smart, and you should know better, but I'm just refreshing your memory.
I also think that guys are the stupidest reasons to not be friends with someone. At the teenage stage in your life, a guy that you are dating right now, probably won't be the guy who you will change your name for. Just because your boyfriend doesn't like your friend, doesn't mean that you shouldn't let her go. Your life is something other than that other person, and although you like your guy a lot, chances are that you will not spend all of your time with him. And you shouldn't, because too much of anything is unhealthy. (and yes, that even includes cookies)
Infatuation and love are two different things, even though they may look the same. Infatuations have a shelf life, love is always classic. Love is something that will never go out of style, while an infatuation would be history after a season.
Never make your life soley deciated to your boyfriend. If that's all you talk about, people will get bored of you, and leave. And then, when he dumps you, he will laugh. In life, everything just needs balance. Learn that and you will be good.
The one thing I also wish I could leave behind, is fear. We all have them, whether of heights, or of love. My best advice, is to avoid this fear, by learning how to get over it, and actually doing the deed. Then you will feel like a boss, and you will no longer have that fear.
Finally, Charlotte, one more thing. Listen to your gut. Not just about relationships, but about everything. It sometimes knows better than you even do.
In life, we all mistakes, some stupid, some smart. It makes us human. But, at the end of the day, learning from them all, and being able to say you made one is the key to becoming stronger, and not repeating that mistake again,

Friday, May 13, 2011

Dreams of You, Do They Mean Anything?

Last night, I dreamnt of Mr. Big. I dreamnt of him holding me in his arms, and that's about all I can remember. I remember his face. I rememeber wearing purple. I remember my hair was in a bun, and I wore my nerdy glasses because allergy season is here, and mother nature won't let me get off that easy.


Anyways, back to the dream. I often like to think of myself as the person that likes to look between the lines, looking for what is not said, but what is done. Like not only looking what was said, but looking what was said, how it was said, and the body language of the person saying it.

I often think of love to be like a mystery, or a puzzle. It takes many pieces to create that overall image of happiness, that happily ever after that we so desperatly want. There is more than someone just saying that they have feelings for you. Anyone can say that. Anyone can say 'hey, i like you,' without meaning anything other than I want to have sex with you, and I will do anything to do so.

But sometimes, we read too much into things. Is it best to not, and just let the good things happen to us?

Is it best to not analyze dreams and horoscopes to their full extent, although correct at times, can be things that comfuse us the most, because we are waiting for the thing that they said would happen, happen.

I guess sometimes, it's better to love blindly. So, I stand here, (well I'm actually sitting, but who the hell cares about that?) trying not to read too much into things. I guess it's better to live my fate, rather than try to predict it.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Intamicy

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the word Intamicy, although I am not exactly sure why. I question what makes intamicy, exactly? Sex? Being in love? These are the things that have haunted me, so I decided to explore .
So, I decided to look it up. Thanks to the power of google (amazing thing, that google. whoever invented it you rock). It's definiation is that it is private/closeness, the state of being inimate, and having a close relationship with another person or group.
Well, that still didn't answer my question.
Maybe it's not a black and white defination. My defination of the word could be different, and mean different things then perhaps yours would.
So, now I asked myself, what is mine?
After several minutes of thinking and scrambeling my brain for one, I finally came up with my own definition of the word.
To me, intimacy is being in love. It is showing someone that you care about them, whether by the fact you are in a relationship, or that you just really love that person. It is something that is only could be shared between two lovers, a special bond that only soul mates can share.
Now, I ask you, my readers (however many you may be)...What is your definition to being initmite?

*A little note. This is my one hundreth blog entry on this site. So I wanted to take some time and say thank you to those who have taken their time to read my silly words. Whether friends, or people I don't know at all, I just wanted to say thank you for reading and for your support.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Think Before You Say Things, because Otherwise, You're Screwed.

Sometimes, we say things before we have a chance to think them through. That can lead to two possible situations:
  1. You're screwed.
  2. Or you're stupid enough to give someone an idea to do something insanely stupid.
Either way, you've enabled something bad, all because of the fact that you forgot to think about what you were thinking before you said it, and because of that, you have to endure whatever punishment or consquence that you have coming up.
I call this Think Before You Say to Keep the Stupidness at Bay. Although it's clever and it rhymes, it has a true purpose in life. It means that think a moment to think about what are you going to say, before you actually say it, because once you say what you wanted to say, you can not take it back. This applies in many situations in life:
  • In debates, when you have a thought that you are not sure it makes sense or not.
  • When trying to keep the peace between friends.
  • When food-hungry guys try taking your friend's food, and you don't know whether or not to stop them or not. But, then you should stop them, because then stealing is bad, and your friend is very hungry, and needs food.
  • You give your friend an idea to publicly humilate you.
  • You say something that could offend someone.
  • All of the above.
Today, I learned that Chris is about his bros more than any kind of a girl, which he considers them to be a hoe. I guess that in the end, he always was, and I was just crush-blind to believe that he, Christopher would actually stand for a friend, over his friends.
The point is that in all of this, you must think before you say things, because you can never take them back. Words are like ballons thrown in the sky: once you release them, you can not get them back again. Once you say something, then you can't take it back. It's out there for the whole world to interpret, debate, and use to make or break you.
Maybe, if we chose our words more carefully. thinking them through, then we wouldn't have to worry about the breaking part.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Sonny Days.

In life, we have people that come and go. Some leave small imprints on us, coming and going without much thought on our parts. Some decide to stay for a while, making themselves comfortable in our lives. And some decide to leave imprints as deep as the Red Sea, and when they are gone, we often wonder why they have decided to leave us, either by death or divorce.
Yesterday, I visited one of the few men that I have ever trusted. A man that remains a constant life, never becoming a dependant variable that changes over the period of time. He is my grandfather, someone that has the goodest of all hearts, and who, believe it or not, is called Sonny.
I don't know how he got that name, for the record.
He was one of the few men that I knew in my life, that always was good. He wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box, but somehow his charm made for it. He would shake the man who broke his daughter's heart's hand, even though his wife told him not to. He didn't care. He just did it. He was a born driver, in the banana business, always drove his children and his grandchildren around. He always enjoyed soup, particically the one that my grandmother made. Although he enjoyed checking women out, he always loved his wife, Millie. He enjoyed people in general, that Sonny.
Now Sonny lies in a wheelcar, his new Cadilac. Millie sits by his side, feeling him pureed food. Sometimes, he's up. Mostly, he sleeps. Sometimes, I wish he didn't have to suffer, because Sonny was a good man, who doesn't deserve the pain of Dementia.
I don't get how always the good suffer, and the bad always end up with an easy life. It's strange, but thats how life is.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Stay Classy America

In life, we enounter people that are not classy. They tend to act cheap, and basically trashy, so here, I shall say one thing:  Stay classy America.
First of all, what does classy even mean? According to Urban Dictionary, classy means very stylish and elegant, not dirty or digusting, and is a deeper meaning for cool. It also used to describe in sarcastic way to describe someone who is acting trashy.
Now, some people's definations of classy can vary. But, me and my homegirl Jenni have composed a little list, or guidlines, if you will, of rules to staying classy, and how not to be trashy.
  1. Don't wear the same thing everyday. That's just gross.
  2. When talking to people, please try to refrain from texting. Also, not listening to music while you are having a conversation with someone, because you seem that the conversation that you are having with that other person is not important.
  3. Talk in proper english. typ3 lk3 th1s? ppl dnt understand u. Please, use proper English, because then it shows that you have some degrees of intelligence, in addition to the fact that people can actually understand you.
  4. Don't update your facebook status every five seconds. Seriously, people don't need to know every single thing that your doing. Nor do they want to.
  5. Be careful who you hang around with. If someone you know does things like stealing things from stores for example, then you don't want to be wrapped in their trouble. Keep a safe distance if someone you know is doing so.
  6. Brush your hair and teeth. Hygeine people!
  7. Wear something that doesn't show off all of your goodies. Seriously, no one wants a free ticket to view the goods. Cover up, honey.
  8. When you like a guy, don't take makeout pictures, unless you are getting married or something. That's a little too much PDA. Also refrain from complete tounge in public places. In addition to it being gross for others to see, it's just awkward for others.
  9. Stop complaining, seriously. Not everything is about you, and actually caring about other's probelms besides your own would be lovely. Nor do people wanna hear that you and the love of your life this week can't hang out because you're grounded.
By following these simple rules, you can be sure that you will be a classy individual, and maybe then people will respect you more.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Our Last Summer

Today, I was listening to the ABBA song, "Our Last Summer". (great song by the way) And it sort of got me thinking about someone that I fell for, two summers ago. I've gotton over him, nonetheless, but the memory is sometimes harder to get over.
Just like the song, we shall call him Harry. Harry has redhair, likes to read every kind of book known demand, and wears glasses.
I remember when we first met, at the end of our freshman year. Many people hated him (they still do, by the way) and a lot of people thought I was nuts. I got the nerve to ask for his number on the day of our modern world final. We texted constantly after that, and I think that I even called him once, if memory serves me right.
Finally one day, in mid July, a friend sent him a message saying that I liked him. Miraclously, he liked me too, and we made a promise to stay single for each other, because he was a mormon, and wanted to follow the no-dating before turning sixteen rule.
We shared things that I never thought I could share to someone else, and for a while, we were happy. One day, he asked for space. And I gave it to him. When he came back from his space, he wanted to break up. After much resistance, I finally let Harry go.
Harry was the first person who I opened myself up to, and trusted completly. For a while, I was relunctant to do so again, and then I realized, I was not living. It's over now, no reason to move on.
I thought about this yesterday, while out with Christopher. We sat and talked, and I felt happy and bubbly. He made me smile, and for the first time, I guess I wasn't afraid to open myself for someone once again. It's a part of life, getting and losing love. It's all a game of give and take, and we've got to learn when to give, when to take and when to let go.
I will always remember and forgive Harry for our last summer. Now, it's time for my next summer.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

New Beginnings.

In life, we are often are ready to forget about the past, the storm, and move onto a sunny and happy time in our lives. This is what we call a new beginning.
New beginnings tend to mean a clean slate. A chance to redo what you screwed up in the past, and make a better future. After all, the past is in the past. You can not go back to it, and fix the mistakes that you've made. The broken mirror will have to remian broken, because it's not worth hurting yourself while trying to fix it.
Today, I guess is a new beginning. I get to hang out with Chris, just me and him. I'm nervous as all hell, because I've never done anything like this with Mr. Big, but hey, new beginnings are kind of scary things to deal with. You don't know how you are going to fall, or how hard you are going to land. And not knowing is the scariest part of all of this. But then it also the more fun part of the whole new beginning thing. You never know what you are going to find until you stop looking.
Let's raise our glass to a new beginning. Forget the past, in love, and all of your broken mirrors. You've done the damage, it's too late to fix what you've did wrong. Forget those who did not make it to this point in your life, there is a reason why they are not standing with you now. Forget the hurt, because dwelling on it is not healthy. Forget everything and focus on this new beginning thing.
And that is something worth raising your glass for.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Memory.

There are some things that tend to stick with us, whether we like it or not. Photographs of us of times that we wish that we could forget, memories of people that we wish that we could forget, and things that we wish that we could unlive. Whether it may be bad relationships that we now regret, or the bad hair styles we used to wear, it's something that we wish that we could avoid.
Rain is something that can wash away the things that are not permant. The things that are, tend to take time and new things to earse the ideas of the past.
I often shudder upon the decesions that I made. Dating someone that only thought of me as a number, someone to give him all the physical, and none of the emotional, someone that would never introduce me to his friends. Needless, to say the regret for that relationship came quickly.
Other regrets did not come so quickly. My love for metal music did become a regret until later this year. My love for some guy in middle school, did not.
My memory of someone that has broken my heart in a million pieces sometimes comes when I least expect it to occur. Like when I'm getting ready to move onto someone else, and then all of a sudden, BAM! The memory of the past haunts you and you can't help but wonder what you could do to make it unhaunt you. I guess that overtime, those things will go away.
Time is one of the only things that will always change. We will never be the same that we were when we began life, crying and screaming babies new to life, eager to learn all of its twists and turns. We end our lives, usually old and wrinkled, wise from all of our lessons, them a dim memory.
So, I guess the take home message here is to live in the moment before it becomes all but a dim memory, to look back upon on our rainy days.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Leftover Feelings

When getting over a breakup, you tend to have a lot of feelings, that all of a sudden you go from lovestruck fool, to a depressed hot mess.
Leftover feelings for exes are the wierdest things to feel. Sometimes, you feel that you miss that ex of yours at the wierdest times. Like when you are enjoying the main course of your new love life, and all of a sudden you want to eat the crappy leftovers of your past love life instead of the gourmet five star meal of the present. My question is why do we feel this strange desire that we want the person that screwed us up, the person that has hurt us the most, the one that has broken our hearts in many pieces. When they left, we eat tons of junk food, cry our eyes out, and feel like we've never meant anything to them. So after all of the bad emotion, why do we feel like we want the one who never wanted us?
I was talking to a friend of mine today. She was upset about kissing her ex today. I didn't know what to tell her, and it got me thinking. I came up with two solutions.
The first is that you should be smart, and stay away from him. He did you wrong, and therefore you shouldn't consider him to be worthy of you.
The second is that you should just give it another chance, after all, you're in highschool. The relationships that we have now probably won't be the guy that we are marrying. So, just have fun, and go with it, and it will all come to you. As the famous singer Conor Oberst once said "everything is a cycle, you gotta let it come to you. And when it does, you will know what to do."
So, let's listen to Conor. He has some good advice right there. Listen to you're heart, and don't stress.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Curveballs of Life.

Life, in my opinion, is like a mystery flavored lollipop. You never know what you are going to taste next, or what you are going to unwrap. You think that you're going to get a good flavor, like cherry, or grape, but then you get a yucky flavor, like root beer. Life is full of twists in turns, and you never know what you're going to face next.
I was thinking, while I was talking to Christopher today, life is full of fate. Whatever wrong or right decesion we make, I think our fate changes. When I met Mr. Big, I was trying to prove to myself, and the rest of the world that I was over someone who had broken my heart years ago. It had been that same person who had bought me to Mr. Big. I had wanted to make myself more than the girl that fell in love with the strange ginger. Now I have good friends, who aren't afraid to tell me the harsh truth in order to prevent me to make that wierd mistake of obsession once again.
Because of Mr. Big, I have met Chris. He's definatly not what I thought was my type. He is about my height ( I like to date taller dudes), jewfro, and well one of the wierdest dudes I have ever met. I had met him, intending to set him up with Charlotte. Then all of a sudden, I guess that my feelings changed somehow. I guess now I like him and Mr. Big. Wierd curveball, huh?
Life is something that we have no control of what gets thrown at us, but its how we deal with all of the curve balls, and how we deal with all of the bumpy roads define who we are.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

The People Who Are There, and The People Who Are Not.

In life, there is bound to be some bad things happen to you; some good, some not so good. When the not so good happens, you tend to need a shoulder to cry on. Or sometime to call when you want to cry and do nothing else but cry, and not say anything intelligent. They are the ones that will love us even if you want to date the kid that they have a crush on, and even talk to them for you. They are the ones with advice with stuff they know nothing about. The ones that will read your blog everyday, and support what you are writing about. The ones that you will always be there for, in return, and that you hope to return the favor whenever you can because you love them dearly.
I am lucky to have that with many people, but there is one of the main people who I lean on for support, is my friend Charlotte. She is one of the people that I know I can turn to, and I know that she can turn to me. When all else fails with Mr. Big, or Mr. Hayden, she is on the phone, intently listening to what I have to say, and trying to make me feel better while I am crying my eyes out. Whenever I found out some bad news, she was available via text message, to talk about and to make me feel better.
I remember buying a rose for her to give to my Hayden. That was when she like/liked him. I was there for her whenever she needed someone to tell her that she was doing the right thing. I hope that I can contuie helping her, however I hope that the odds work in her favor and she won't need my shoulder to cry on whenever she's sad.
I guess that there is time that we feel like we have to tell the person that was always there for us, that they mean that much to us. They are the ones that help us walk when we trip. They are the ones that make everything that seems horrible, not look quite so bad. When Mr. Big makes me cry, she's the one who I cry on. She is my best friend, and my sister, and I love her for that. She is my Lane, my Charlotte, and of course she's always my little sister.