I never thought I would be at loss to say something to someone in person. I guess, the best thing to do is to write what I feel about someone here. If this gets too wierd, I guess you can just say I'm crazy. But, then again, I already am.
You know who you are, if you are reading this. Your the one who I spend my lunch hours with, the one who knows how to make me smile when I feel sad, the one who helps me with my math homework. The one who has greenish eyes, (i think), and is a lot taller than I will ever be. The one who would listen to me hours on end talk about my ex-boyfriend who shouldn't be crossing my mind anymore. And he doesn't even cross my mind, most of the time now that I have this person in my life.
I guess somehow, I had delevloped feelings for this person, the first time I had ever felt anything, well since I had last gotton my heart broken. I had made things obivous, either with my big mouth, or a friends, and for that I am a fool, an idiot with a big mouth who can never keep a secert to herself for longer than a week. I know that by"telling the world" isn't their style, and I realize I am pushing them into something I know they don't want.
To this person I'm writing about, I know you will never read this, but I am sorry for all of the games that I have played with your mind, and your heart. I realize that I am pushing you into something that I know you don't want, and for that, I am sorry. I guess that's what I had interpretted by what you were saying all of those times during lunch. I guess my interpretation of everything was wrong. I guess that in the end, I was the one that would get hurt, the one with the big mouth, the one who can never get anything right.. I want to be your friend, and I understand that's all I ever will be to you. It takes time, but I know these crazy feelings will go away. I am sorry if I had hurt you in any sort of way. I hope that sometime, along the line we can be just friends, good friends, I hope, because you are truely a great man. Someone who I trust, and will always be there for me. I guess if you know who you are while you read this, and are offended for this riduclous blog entry, I am sorry.
I guess that in the end, we all make mistakes, in love, life and basically anything. We're human, for heaven's sake. What I ask from you, is for you to forgive me for all of the ones that I have made with you.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Make love, not war.
Religous differences. Everyone has them. We are all different, in many ways. From size, race, style, and of course, beliefs.
Religons are something with one common goal-afterlife. We all desire one thing, a happy life, after we are dead, or as some say as we move on to the next life. They all believe in worship of some sort, a higher power. Prayer to someone to give them strength, and faith. People including myself do that.
There is one thing about religon that I don't get. Killing people, destroying them because of their beliefs, is one of the most immoral things that have been occuring over time. Killing someone because they believe in something that you don't is one of the most stupidest, and sillist things on the face of the planet. The Nazi party basically killed because of someone's prejudices to the Jewish faith. The mormons, getting forced to move out west, because otherwise they would be killed. Why do people, especially the bystanders, let this happen. Are we human? Would you want someone shooting you for your thoughts? No, because it's unfair. It's bullying. How would you feel if someone said, i don't like you because you're whatever religon you are. What would you say to that? How would you feel? I take it, you won't like it very much. Therefore, we must make love, not war.
Religons are something with one common goal-afterlife. We all desire one thing, a happy life, after we are dead, or as some say as we move on to the next life. They all believe in worship of some sort, a higher power. Prayer to someone to give them strength, and faith. People including myself do that.
There is one thing about religon that I don't get. Killing people, destroying them because of their beliefs, is one of the most immoral things that have been occuring over time. Killing someone because they believe in something that you don't is one of the most stupidest, and sillist things on the face of the planet. The Nazi party basically killed because of someone's prejudices to the Jewish faith. The mormons, getting forced to move out west, because otherwise they would be killed. Why do people, especially the bystanders, let this happen. Are we human? Would you want someone shooting you for your thoughts? No, because it's unfair. It's bullying. How would you feel if someone said, i don't like you because you're whatever religon you are. What would you say to that? How would you feel? I take it, you won't like it very much. Therefore, we must make love, not war.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
People.
In life, there are people that come in and change our way of thinking, guide us, in the right direction, and don't give up on us. Those kind of people are like heaven sent, guardian angels, in a human form.
In my life, I have been blessed with many kinds of people, coming, and in the end usually going. One person that always remained consistant, is my grandfather.
Many people think it's wierd nowadays that I'm so close with my grandparents. After all, many kids in this generation, usually think of their grandparents as a twenty for christmas, and their birthday, living in a condo, or an retirement home. Some are unfortunate that their grandparents are deceased before they were even born.
I was a very lucky person, to get to know my grandfather. Everyday, my mother would have dropped me off at their house to spend my day there, because my mother being a recently divorced single mother, and had no other way of getting good child care.
My grandfather was an unselfish man. He loves his wife, children, and grandchildren, very much, and did everything he possibly can. I, being a sick child, had a lot of doctor's appointments. He was there for everything from eye exams, surgery, emergency room visits and MRIs, and much more. And after that, we would go out to lunch, or for ice cream.
Other than medical reasons, he was still there, always. Whenever I stayed home sick, he was there watching some random cartoon with me. When it was summer, he would take me places, such as out for lunch, out to the beach, and many other places that I can not remember.
In a sense, my grandfather is like my father. I never had one in my life, and in a sense, I became his third child. I'm not saying that my grandmother didn't do as much, I love both of my grandparents equally, and they both did everything for me. Now, at sixteen, he is battling dementia, in the later stages too, I might add. He can no longer walk, nevertheless drive the cars that he once loved. He sits in a rehab center, and no longer can do anything on his own. I now wonder, will he die with hisd dignity, or will his illness be eating that away too?
In my life, I have been blessed with many kinds of people, coming, and in the end usually going. One person that always remained consistant, is my grandfather.
Many people think it's wierd nowadays that I'm so close with my grandparents. After all, many kids in this generation, usually think of their grandparents as a twenty for christmas, and their birthday, living in a condo, or an retirement home. Some are unfortunate that their grandparents are deceased before they were even born.
I was a very lucky person, to get to know my grandfather. Everyday, my mother would have dropped me off at their house to spend my day there, because my mother being a recently divorced single mother, and had no other way of getting good child care.
My grandfather was an unselfish man. He loves his wife, children, and grandchildren, very much, and did everything he possibly can. I, being a sick child, had a lot of doctor's appointments. He was there for everything from eye exams, surgery, emergency room visits and MRIs, and much more. And after that, we would go out to lunch, or for ice cream.
Other than medical reasons, he was still there, always. Whenever I stayed home sick, he was there watching some random cartoon with me. When it was summer, he would take me places, such as out for lunch, out to the beach, and many other places that I can not remember.
In a sense, my grandfather is like my father. I never had one in my life, and in a sense, I became his third child. I'm not saying that my grandmother didn't do as much, I love both of my grandparents equally, and they both did everything for me. Now, at sixteen, he is battling dementia, in the later stages too, I might add. He can no longer walk, nevertheless drive the cars that he once loved. He sits in a rehab center, and no longer can do anything on his own. I now wonder, will he die with hisd dignity, or will his illness be eating that away too?
Monday, January 31, 2011
What is love?
Love is something that I guess everyone wants. The question is, why do we have to hurt to get this love thing? Why, when all that we want is to be loved, we have to hurt others, and push others to get what we want. Love is something I guess that comes in different packages. In relationships, such as dating ones. Then, there are the kinds of love that makes you smile. A sisterhood, of friends that will always be there for you. Your family. That kind of love, is the kind that will never be lost.
To all of my friends, I say thank you. Because, you are always there for me, and I love you guys. I hope that you guys get treated like the best like i know you are. You have kept me sane, when I wanted to go crazy. You are always there for me. I love you guys, and if anyone tries to make you cry, I'd make you cry. I dedicate this one to you. You know who you are.
To all of my friends, I say thank you. Because, you are always there for me, and I love you guys. I hope that you guys get treated like the best like i know you are. You have kept me sane, when I wanted to go crazy. You are always there for me. I love you guys, and if anyone tries to make you cry, I'd make you cry. I dedicate this one to you. You know who you are.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Okayyyy. Really now.
Why does society always say that a woman has to be with a man in order to be happy? I don't understand how that works, when there is a billion other reasons to be happy. Friends, family, cupcakes, snoopy. I mean come on. In order to be successful, one has to be paired off with someone else. I don't get the point of that.
Sure, being in a relationship is fun stuff. You have someone to share memories with, someone to keep you company, and someone to have really long conversations with that actually mean something. Yes, I'm sure that you and I have that innermost desire to be together with someone. But what I don't understand, is that everyone says that the key of being successful is to being in a successful relationship, or to be married with children. And what about those who haven't found someone that they would want to be in a relationship with, they get thrown with insults, and those cheesy, "ohh your much too pretty for them guys anyway" kind of speech.
Well, I say the single ones are the best ones, because they are indepandant, they don't need anybody for anything. They are self-sufficent, and can do on their own, with or without someone by their side. A single woman has her own job, place to live, and relies soley on herself. Sure, there are times when she wishes to have someone that will always be there for her to talk to, but then she has friends that can always be there for her. ( I hope, anyways. Kind of like a sex and the city kind of thing), and if she ever needs anything, she can always get help, as an independant woman.
Marriage is like society's way of saying, "hey, you're successful in life! forget about the job, and the college degree, you're in a relationship!" My question is why? I think it should be a part of the plate of success, just not the whole thing. After all, marriage is not the only thing that goes on in our life. We have a job, and an education, and friends also to factor. No offense to the married girls that are out there, or the ones that are in a relationship, but that other person is not your whole life..
Sure, being in a relationship is fun stuff. You have someone to share memories with, someone to keep you company, and someone to have really long conversations with that actually mean something. Yes, I'm sure that you and I have that innermost desire to be together with someone. But what I don't understand, is that everyone says that the key of being successful is to being in a successful relationship, or to be married with children. And what about those who haven't found someone that they would want to be in a relationship with, they get thrown with insults, and those cheesy, "ohh your much too pretty for them guys anyway" kind of speech.
Well, I say the single ones are the best ones, because they are indepandant, they don't need anybody for anything. They are self-sufficent, and can do on their own, with or without someone by their side. A single woman has her own job, place to live, and relies soley on herself. Sure, there are times when she wishes to have someone that will always be there for her to talk to, but then she has friends that can always be there for her. ( I hope, anyways. Kind of like a sex and the city kind of thing), and if she ever needs anything, she can always get help, as an independant woman.
Marriage is like society's way of saying, "hey, you're successful in life! forget about the job, and the college degree, you're in a relationship!" My question is why? I think it should be a part of the plate of success, just not the whole thing. After all, marriage is not the only thing that goes on in our life. We have a job, and an education, and friends also to factor. No offense to the married girls that are out there, or the ones that are in a relationship, but that other person is not your whole life..
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Okay, enough
Hey girl, enough already. I mean, you need to learn how to keep it classy. Everything is about how you use people, and how you think everyone likes you, and wants to date you. You go around flirting with a guy that your friend's interested in, and for what? The attention? I'm sorry honey, but he doesn't like you. Nor does he like her, most likely. Isn't the female code important to anyone nowadays?
Girls, if your friend likes someone, then you lay off. It's the code of all girls. Learn it, live it.
If you want to be in a relationship with someone, then do it for the right reasons. Not for the stuff that they give you, but for the heart. Love is the singlemost, greatest, and most complicated emotions ever created by man. Money is not needed in that
Girls, if your friend likes someone, then you lay off. It's the code of all girls. Learn it, live it.
If you want to be in a relationship with someone, then do it for the right reasons. Not for the stuff that they give you, but for the heart. Love is the singlemost, greatest, and most complicated emotions ever created by man. Money is not needed in that
Monday, January 3, 2011
Confusing Thoughts...
Today, a friend came to me with a probelm. A guy that was interested in her, whom she was not interested in, was telling her how much he loved her, and without her, he would kill himself. But, my friend said that she, being not interested in the guy, felt confused and didn't know what to do.
I then thought, at first, why would someone take their own life, because they have so much going for them, especially in high school. Why would someone feel that need, that without one person in their life, they can not go on living? Is it that need normal? Or is it true love? Or do they think it's love? Can teenagers truely fall in love?
Maybe it isn't normal. I feel like that if someone wanted me that way, I would be instantly calling a conselor or some trusted authority figure, who can help you. I mean, if someone wanted me that bad, they were obsessed with me, right? If they can not seek happiness outside your relationship, maybe then they, themselves are not healthy. Maybe then they should get a hobby, make some friends, or doing something besides obessing over the other person, or the person that they want to be their boyfriend/girlfriend...After all, significant others aren't everything in life. It may take time, but in the end, you will be able to move on, into something that is better than that relationship. Sure, it may hurt now, but in the end, you will be able to feel better about yoursel and realized that you lived without that person in your life before, you can do it once again.
After rereading my opinion on that, I realized that I am a bitch. Stone-cold bitch. If I had been the person, versus my friend, I would have been that's nice, but I don't like you, so can you just not go there? I don't know what has gotton into me. I used to believe in love, and it's intensity, like Rose and Jack from the Titanic. Of course, the circumstances were different, but if you were dying, then I would have been "screw you, I'm getting off of this boat''. Is it the love that is truest, the love that means the most to us? Is it the love that means the most, worth the most to be fought for? And how do you know?
I sometimes wonder if I could ever open my heart again, to someone that I am really starting to grow quite fond of. I always have that thought in the back of my mind that if I begin to feel too much, then the impact in the end would get worse and worse...
Maybe if I just open my heart, even just a little, i'd find the answer to these questions. But how, how to get rid of the fear that paralyzes me? After all, I do know the person whom I have feelings for shares no traits compared to the one that hurt me. He is kind, gentle, always there for me when I need someone to talk to, and I actually feel like he listens. I look foreward to seeing his face in the day, because he always knows how to put a smile on his face. I try to be there for him, as well, and hope that he knows that I will listen to him, because like him I actually like to hear what he has to say as well.
Maybe, just maybe, my time is now.
I then thought, at first, why would someone take their own life, because they have so much going for them, especially in high school. Why would someone feel that need, that without one person in their life, they can not go on living? Is it that need normal? Or is it true love? Or do they think it's love? Can teenagers truely fall in love?
Maybe it isn't normal. I feel like that if someone wanted me that way, I would be instantly calling a conselor or some trusted authority figure, who can help you. I mean, if someone wanted me that bad, they were obsessed with me, right? If they can not seek happiness outside your relationship, maybe then they, themselves are not healthy. Maybe then they should get a hobby, make some friends, or doing something besides obessing over the other person, or the person that they want to be their boyfriend/girlfriend...After all, significant others aren't everything in life. It may take time, but in the end, you will be able to move on, into something that is better than that relationship. Sure, it may hurt now, but in the end, you will be able to feel better about yoursel and realized that you lived without that person in your life before, you can do it once again.
After rereading my opinion on that, I realized that I am a bitch. Stone-cold bitch. If I had been the person, versus my friend, I would have been that's nice, but I don't like you, so can you just not go there? I don't know what has gotton into me. I used to believe in love, and it's intensity, like Rose and Jack from the Titanic. Of course, the circumstances were different, but if you were dying, then I would have been "screw you, I'm getting off of this boat''. Is it the love that is truest, the love that means the most to us? Is it the love that means the most, worth the most to be fought for? And how do you know?
I sometimes wonder if I could ever open my heart again, to someone that I am really starting to grow quite fond of. I always have that thought in the back of my mind that if I begin to feel too much, then the impact in the end would get worse and worse...
Maybe if I just open my heart, even just a little, i'd find the answer to these questions. But how, how to get rid of the fear that paralyzes me? After all, I do know the person whom I have feelings for shares no traits compared to the one that hurt me. He is kind, gentle, always there for me when I need someone to talk to, and I actually feel like he listens. I look foreward to seeing his face in the day, because he always knows how to put a smile on his face. I try to be there for him, as well, and hope that he knows that I will listen to him, because like him I actually like to hear what he has to say as well.
Maybe, just maybe, my time is now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)