Monday, January 30, 2012

I'm Sorry.

Dear People Who Read My Blog,
Thank you for your support over the past year. I'm aware that I have not posted in a little while, and that I promised you all that I would return tomarrow. I wanted to let you all know that I am not yet ready to return to writing my blog. I still have a lot to deal with, in addition to a lot on my plate, and I don't feel ready to write again. I will try to get back to writing as soon as humanly possible, and I thank you all for your patience.

Natalie

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I'm On Hiatus.

Have you ever felt like you have too much on your plate? Like you can't handle everything that is being thrown at you, and you realize that something has to go.
It brings me great sorrow to have to say this to all of my friends, and readers, but for a while, I'm going on hiatus. I will be back soon, but I need a break. I need to cut down on my stress, and as much as I don't want to have to do this, I realize that I have to cut something out of my life, and this is one. I mean you can't cut school out, right?
I will hopefully be back after one week. I don't think I can stay away from here for too long, because I enjoy writing my blogs, as much as you hopefully like to read them. I hopefully will have some new topics, in addition to the same "insight" I have always had.
I wanted to let you readers know how much I appericate you clicking my urls, whether I send it on your tumblr, twitter or facebook, or through an email. I'm grateful that you all listen or read my words, the words that I have written. I hope that when I come back to writing you all will still be there for me to read my crazy blog entries day after day, year after year.
Please, don't hesitate to give me ideas for future blog entries. I do listen, Seattle. I do need inspiration. I do want to know what you all think about whatever I've been writing, and what I can write about in the future.

And for now, goodbye, and good luck.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Best Friends Forever

Whose the person that's always there for you when you're down? Whose the person that got your back when boys make you crazy? Whose the one person that is always there for you, when you are down? They are the ones who let you eat chocolate in insane amounts, and won't judge you or call you a fatass. Or they would, but they wouldn't really give a shit. When you're having a bad day she would be there, on the phone, or with tissues in hand, always there to hear you cry. She's the first person to 'like' your new facebook picture, and the first to notice any major or non major changes. And when you are happy, they are happy for you, the first to jump and down with you.
And take that and vice versa it.
That person who I'm talking about is my best female friend, Charlotte. She is an amazingly awesome person, who is always there for me, for the good times, and the bad. When I feel like crap, she's my go to person. When I feel like shouting from the rooftops about something, she's the first person to know...I usually tell her things more often then I tweet. That's love my friend. She's the person who I would go to Panera and eat a bread bowl, and just chat. She's my partner in crime.
Charlotte, you're awesome, don't change, and I love you! You're my very best friend, my little sister that I never had, and I felt like dedicating an entry to you.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

They Should Put Warning Labels on Sad Movies.

Okay, so this morning, there was nothing good on TV. So, I flipped on the Notebook, because it was on, and I thought it was a good movie, and there wasn't anything good on TV. I loved it...for the first hour and a half, until I saw one of the near ending scenes, where Allie realizes that the story was about her and Noah, and then she has that angry forgetfullness thing. I mean I know that out of all of the things I could have picked to cry about while watching that movie, that would have been the one that that would bother me. It gave me flashbacks of memories in the not so distant past of my grandfather. When he used to be angry, and have outbursts whenever his wife would leave or something like that, well I kinda miss him. I know that he is in a better place, but sometimes, no, all of the time, Sundays especially. Sundays were always spent with my grandfather, and now that he's gone, on Sundays I feel it the most.
Stupid movie.
I wonder about grief. I wonder about how long you're supposed to feel sad about them. I wonder if things will get better, and if and when they do. I wish that there would be a warning label on sad movies, so that when you're sad, then you would want to watch a happier movie. Oh wait, that would be bad, because the sad people won't buy it, and it would bring down the business.
Oh, when will Sunday end?

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Snow Days.

Hey it's snowing! And midterms are like Monday. So, that must mean that I'm going to sit at home, and going to actually, well you know pay attention to my homework.
Nah...
Don't get me wrong, studying is cool. I just lack the motivation to sit down, and you know put away all of my distractions and you know get shit done. Well, I'm too lazy. And I get distracted easily.
A lot of my friends *ahem* seem to think I lack "morals" or "motivation". Well, that I do, but mainly because I don't like to stress out over things, and I believe that you shouldn't stress out over the little things, like getting to class on time, because it will be there....I hope.
Okay, I realize that all of that seriously makes me sound like a slacker. But I'm not. I actually do get decent grades. But my point of all of this is that life is too short to worry about the small things, and to be stressed. We have bigger and better things to worry about. I worry about paying for college, and getting a job, not whether of not I'm on time for my first period class. I mean I would care, but I feel like I can care more about the bigger things, not the smaller things.
Sorry this is not a rant. This is the product of coffee, and a hyper Natalie.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Wasting Light.

I just finished downloading Wasting Light by the ever so amazing Foo Fighters. And, well, I am impressed. They seriously make a damned good record. Like seriously, bro. Go out, and listen to it. Each song gets better then the one before it.
Anyways, I figured I'd write about music, since, well I love music. Today, I'm into the Bangles, and Blondie, and interestingly enough the Rolling Stones. And of course the Foo Fighters. Right now, I happen to be jamming to "Walk Like an Egyptian" by the Bangles. The eighties was such an amazing time period. Music, in my opinion, has gone downhill since then, except for JoJo, Demi Lovato and Lady GaGa.
Seriously guys, take the time to go and youtube some of the songs I'm listing. It's good stuff.

My amazingly awesome music Recommendations of the week:
  1. "Walk Like an Egyptain"-The Bangles
  2. "Hanging on the Telephone"-Blondie
  3. "Paint It Black"-The Rolling Stones
  4. "Forever Young"-Rod Stewart
  5. "Material Girl"-Madonna
  6. "Holiday"-Madonna
  7. "Marry the Night"-Lady GaGa

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Stop Sopa/Pipa

I heard on the news last night that Congress is thinking of passing a bill called SOPA, which basically is censoring the internet. And, being a blogger, the internet is important to me, because that's how my work is being published. That's how people will read my work, and how my writing would get spread around, and of course I have a say on it.
Congress, we have the freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, and the right to worship whatever religon we chose. We have freedom to walk around the streets without constant fear, and we have the right to vote for whoever we chose is fit to be a canidate to run our country. So, why can't the internet be free too?
Before you vote on this bill Congress think of what you are doing. Think of the twenties, when you banned drinking. It didn't do much, other than make people have to hide their drinking in secert. Imagine if you did this to the internet.
If you chose this bill, then you are not thinking about what it will do to your lives. You say that we need to help boost test scores, but without the internet, our students can not research and access information that they need to succeed in life. 
As a blogger, this could affect what I write, and I would have to be censored. I don't want this to happen, because all of my thoughts are completly and utterly my own, and I don't want to have to alter them, nor do I want to have to risk not being able to getting my point accross, because writing my blog helps my words get heard from accross the world.
We have the right to view whatever we need to see on the internet. Do not make this choice for us, and don't take away our right to choose.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Listen Here, Folks.

Okay, so lately I've found myself to be faced to explain myself, at school, or in my life. I don't wish to have to explain my emotions; I just want to feel them, and not have to explain myself, or what I'm feeling. But I will say this.
I am not a violant person. I don't believe in hitting people, and I don't like to be mean to people. I don't want to ever hurt anyone, not even a fly. If you mess with me, I will be upset, and probably don't do anything. If you mess with my friends then we have a probelm, and if you mess with my family, you better run. I don't mean to sound bitchy nor do I mean to sound like I am a bitch. If you chose to stay away from me, then I will do you no harm, and we can go on with our lives. We can be human, and do human things. I've tried to be the bigger person, and I will ignore you, because I don't want to deal with drama, and I have better fish to fry then you. Therefore, I will not fight you, I will just restrain the urge to. And when there's a will and there's a way, bitch. So please, stop.
I also wanted to say that I'm sorry for the people who I've bothered over the past few months. I don't mean to bother you, it's just that I want someone to talk to. I want someone to hear me, and I'm sorry that I'm such an annoying person, that you don't want to hear it anymore. I realize though how grateful I am for you to listen to me, and that you guys mean the world to me.
Thank you for everything.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

When to Walk, and When to Run.

I feel sick to my stomach. Like upset kind of sick. Like sick to my stomach, crying my eyes out kind of sick. Like I don't even think I can write about this. I'm falling apart, and I need someone to pull me back together.

And now that I think about it, I don't want to write anymore.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Girl Talk vs. Guy Talk.

Lately, I've noticed something about the world around me, how teenagers communicate with their fellow peers. I interviewed a few of my friends, some straight, and some gay, and discovered what is the difference between girl talk vs. guy talk.
Girls tend to always talk about their love lives, like boys, or gossip. When I interviewed some of my girlfriends, they all said either boys, or some sort of gossip, whether it's related to friends, or the people that we barely know like the popular girl or a celeb. If something happens with a guy, like they actually know that they are on the same planet, then they squeal to their best friend, giving them the play by play of what was going on, over and over again.
I'm not too familiar with guy talk, mainly because of the fact that I'm not a guy. I over heard some guys talking about video games. My guy friends talk about cartoons, and politics. But I wonder how this all relate to the whole girl getting process.
Do guys talk about girls the way girls talk about guys? I mean I heard that girls were from Venus, and guys were from Mars. So is there some kind of difference between boys and girls?

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Twenty Facts About Me.

So I'm still waiting on this data of mine. I guess maybe I should post the question on here, because I don't have enough of it to make significant judgements.
So Interneters: I have a challenge for you. Answer this question by posting it as a comment below this blog entry. Anyways, the poll is: Say whether you are male and female, and then state what do you talk about with your friends of the same sex?
Please comment with that! I need the data, and eventually, it will all make sense. Or if I email this to you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ANSWER.
Now for today's entry. I really don't have much to write about, mainly because I haven't been able to do much. So, coinsiding with yesterday's entry, I'm posting twenty facts about myself, that I bet that you didn't know. I'm not consided. Just in need of data.

  1. I act like Lorelai Gilmore. Meaning I talk fast, make pop references, and eat so much junk food.
  2. I own every season of Gilmore Girls on DVD.
  3. I can't spell, like at all. I use spell check way more than I should. It's kind of bad because I'm going to be a writer. 
  4. I always wanted to be a singer. That lasted for a whole two seconds. 
  5. I have every issue of 17 magazine ever since June 2007.
  6. My favorite singer is Lady GaGa.
  7. My favorite albums of all time are Titanic, and Born This Way. 
  8. I have Titanic. On VHS. The cover kinda died so now they just chill. 
  9. I own almost 20 stuffed snoopys. I also own 3 snoopy mugs, a bunch of ornaments, pens, pencils, watch, you name it. Basically, I have a Snoopy obsession. 
  10. I prefer glasses over contacts.
  11. I hate winter. 
  12. Sophia Petrillo and Frank Barone are my TV grandparents.
  13. I hate the color green, but don't have a legit reason why. I'm just prejudiced on the color. 
  14. I like vanilla cupcakes, with vanilla frosting. I hate chocolate cupcakes. I just can't stand them.
  15. I hate coffee or tea. 
  16. I love the 80s. 
  17. My three favorite pop singers are Madonna, Lady GaGa, and Christina Aguilera.
  18. I'm severely afraid of heights. 
  19. I'm afraid of repeating the past. I don't know why, I just am. 
  20. I want to fall in love one day...
Well folks, there ya have it. So PLEASE. Give me some data for my poll!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

An Interview

I always wanted to interview someone. And I always wanted to be interviewed because I like talking. So, readers, I'm going to interview myself, mainly because I need some data before writing the other blog that I had in mind. I'm not self absorbed or anything, I swear.

Do you believe in love?
Yes, I believe in love. I believe that there are so many different kinds of love out there, and it's a term that is used way too much nowadays. Hate has that same effect on people. People often are quick to say I love you or I hate you, without realizing the true meaning of the word. There are so many different kinds of love out there, like there's the love of a certain item or television show, then there's love of a family, and then there's a love between a man and a woman.
Are you in love? 
I honestly don't want to say. I stopped posting things about my personal life a while ago.
What do you want readers or people to know about you or your blog?
I want readers to realize that my blog is purely a release for me, meaning that I don't want them to think that I do it for attention. I write because I have something to say, and I say what's on my mind. I also write in a public form like in this way, so people can read my stuff, and yeah. I don't do it so that people can feel sorry for me or anything like that. I want to get people thinking, and I hope that .
Who are some people that have inspire you? 
A bunch of people inspire me. My best friend does, because she's a really cool person. Sophia Petrillo inspires me because she's one old lady who doesn't take crap from anyone. I want to be like her when I'm an old lady. Then Demi Lovato inspires me because she's a strong woman. I only hope to be a strong person such as her. Of course, Jackie Kennedy inspires me because she's a classy woman.
What are your most prized pocessions? 
I have three: my two pandora bracelets, and my grandfather's cross. I never take them off.
What are you most afraid of?
I'm afraid of rejection. I put my heart in everything, and rejection's like destroying a dream. That's why I don't take as many chances as I could, because I'm afraid of losing, or striking out. 
Who are your role models?
My mom, and my grandfather. They taught me to be strong, and to never refuse money.
What's the most important thing that you can give? 
The most important thing that I can give to someone is my heart. Some people disagree and say it's your virginity, but you have to give someone your heart, before you can give them your body. I'm old fashioned because I don't want to give myself away to just anyone. If I give you my heart, than you did something right, and don't screw up.
What influences you? 
Pop culture. I often quote movies, and TV shows like it's my job. May the force be with you son.

What are your plans for the future?
I plan to get married, and have kids. I want to write, like actual books, and in magazines. I want to make a name for myself, while doing something I love.

Friday, January 13, 2012

I'm SO Bored.

I'm bored, and I'm tired of stupid people ignoring my text messages. Stupid people. Stop ignoring me. I want to talk to someone, and no one is answering their phone, or caring about me. I hate people who don't care about me. Like seriously, if you hate me tell me because I am tired of being alone, and I don't want to watch another episode of Gilmore Girls, and I want a hug. I hate being sick. I hate having nothing to do with my life. I want someone to talk to. I really feel lonely. And I want someone to talk to. I'm tired of people ignoring me, and liking other people and me being jealous. I just want to be loved, and no one loves me enough to text me to make sure I'm okay. What if I died? Like seriously people.
This lame topic defiantly wasn't going to be my blog entry for the day. But then I haven't blogged in the past few days. SO I'm going to not write about it, and save it for tomarrow.
And yes, I'm talking bad about people. But I'm tired of being ignored.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Inspiration

Lately, as some of you who know me personally know that I have been having a hard time with things, such as stress. I thank all of you who have had to deal with me over the past few months, having to comfort me while I cried and screamed at you, and all of that stuff.
Then I realized something. I realized that I can't keep on living this way. I can't keep on living like I hate myself, and then I'm depressed all of the time.
I had read 17 magazine today. And guess who was on the cover of it? Demi Lovato, after her rehab. After reading her article, I realized that it was okay to ask for help. I realized that it was okay to get therapy, and that it's okay to have others come and pick you up. It's okay to fall, because once we get help, you can get better. I want to be like Demi, because in the article, she's happy with herself, and with others. I want to get that happy. I want to no longer feel like I'm unhappy with myself, I don't want to be touched by greif. My heart has been broken for too long, and I wanted to fix it.
It's scary to admit it, but I need help. And I have the support of my friends, and maybe my family to back me up. That's all I need.
And when I get better bitch, I'm coming back swinging. Take that!

My Playlist:
Skyscraper: Demi Lovato
Marry the Night: Lady Gaga
What doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger: Kelly Clarkson

Monday, January 9, 2012

I Have No Title

I really don't have a title for this, other than I have to get this done quickly, cause I have a million other things to do. That's how dedicated I am to this blog:
Anyways I wanted to write a lame little poem mainly cause I'm in a poetic mood, and mainly cause I hate the world, and I'm in a sad mood.

I guess there are cracks in every mirror,
Some large, some so tiny that they aren't even there.
If you look closer they become clearer,

What is mine, you may ask?
There is the redheaded monster with the cold eyes,
Breaking my heart, because I thought we could last,
The memories of him I often despise,
He still haunts me from time to time, scaring me for life.

In the next crack, I see myself,
Thin, and beatiful.
I used to be thin, memories of that on a shelf.
The taste of not eating always tasted dull.

In the final crack, I see the old man,
Sad eyes, sad expression,
Losing him I thought I never can.
I love him, I never can mention.

But what cleans the dirt in the mirror,
It's healed by the ones who love me,
the boy with the green back pack, the girl with the curly hair,
make everyday more bareable,
when I cry due to the past,
when I cry due to the present,
I know that they are there,
To hold me, to guide me, and to comfort me.

The cracks in the mirror,
Maybe one day will be gone.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Help, I need Somebody.

Today, I woke up, all sad and depressed. So I decided since I needed to vent about it, and since no one would answer my "hey I need to talk to you" texts, I decided to write some of the things that are bothering me.
I miss my grandfather. Like a lot. Every day, for me, it gets harder and harder. I miss going to the convalescent home every Sunday after dinner, watching him become a human string bean, watching him basically die. Those images of him not being able to eat, especially those last ten days, make me cry. I miss him perhaps way more than I should. I miss the days before the name dementia was in our vocabulary, when he was healthy and happy, and fighting my grandmother whenever it was dinner time. I miss all of those memories.
I am always at ends with my dad, and I was always wondering why. He's nothing but a stranger who I look like, barely. I don't remember ever getting along with him, I don't remember him ever being in my life, so if he was in it now, it doesn't feel permant. Like it's written in permant marker.
School is also stressful because of college applications and AP work. There are things that I don't want to do, but yet I am forced to do. I got into college isn't that good enough for you people? Stop pressuring me and let me eat my chocolate..
Help. I need someone. I need someone to talk to me, to understand me, to tell me that I'm pretty. I want a thousand hershey kisses and of course I want a hug. And someone to listen.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Darth Vador.

It's offical. Darth Vador is one of my favorite movie characters, mainly because he is an icon. He has an amazing costume, has lost both his wife and children, and of course, he lost most of his natural body, being more machine then man.
He wasn't always bad, he just grew to be that way. Which leads me to the arguement of whether people are born bad, or just left to fester to be bad. No, Anakin Skywalker wasn't born bad. He was turned bad, and after losing his wife, the lovely Padame, he then turned evil, even changing his name to Vadar. But I can't help but feel bad for him because after losing the love of his life, I can't help but feel bad for him. Poor Vadar. Maybe we should all be sympathetic and think of his poor Padame next time we tune into Star Wars. Or not, because he fell into the wrong crowd.
That, and I named my new phone after him. He's a cool guy.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The 90s.

I have fallen in love with the 90s people. Between Nirvana, and the amazing sitcoms that lasted forever. Like seriously, the show Friends have been on for about ten years. Fraiser, Sex and the City, Raymond, amoungst others are some that makes the list. Then we have things like the Foo Fighters, Celine Dion, and of course all of them one hit wonders that you see now on VH1. Then there's Titanic, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Beauty and the Beast.
The 90s was the decade that I was born. It was the era of punk, and the era of amazing cartoons. My favorite thing from the 90s other than the Foo Fighters, is the sitcoms. To me, reality television doesn't have that same comical balance, as let's say Frank and Marie Barone. The characters make us laugh, and make us want to tune into them each and every week, for over a decade, making them modern day classics. Even though they are well of the air, we still tune into reruns to watch Carrie stumble into romances, watch the Barones argue with each other and become even closer as a family, hear Fraiser make his radio shows, and laugh along with best friends Will and Grace.
Rest in peace 90s. You have created some amazing stuff right there.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Wah.

I have nothing to write about today internet. I'm in a really bad mood, and I'm crabby and I feel bad about myself. I sometimes wonder about whether or not I am pretty enough, skinny enough, and all of that. I don't know why, but sometimes I wonder that. I guess that's what self esteem issues do to you.
But then there are people who make me feel better and assure me when I'm down, and feel like that. Thank you people. I promise I'll get better sooner or later. But deal with me, because I don't actually mean it, and I just want someone to tell me that I'm beautiful, smart, and actually mean a great deal to them. I mean I don't know. Isn't that what we all want?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Look Before You Leap

I do that. You know look before you leap. Look before you take that risk, because hell you're afraid of getting torn to shreds. I guess maybe the thing is timing, when you think something is meant to be it really isn't and then you look like an idiot. I hate looking like an idiot. Like seriously, it's annoying and embarssing (I don't know how that. Oh well)
I think there's a time to look. Then there's the times that we just have to fucking leap and hope that it's the time. Stop pushing people out and JUST FREAKING DO IT. Tell the person how much they might mean to you...because they might not be there for you.
Okay, this blog entry is brought to you by watching the end of season six of Gilmore Girls.

Monday, January 2, 2012

You Never Know What You Have Until...

Ever have something great, and then it's gone? Like spending time with someone that actually listens to you, entertains you, makes everything better when your sad, and is someone who treats you really nice, versus someone that treats you like you're an object versus a thing. That's not fair.
I guess when you realize things, things like this, it's too late to go back and fix them. You can only go foreward, there is no rewind button on the vcr of life. There's no pause. There's only the play button. And if you ask me, it's pretty fucked up that you can't rewind.
I miss my junior year of high school a lot for many reasons. I mean, senior year is okay, I mean I got into college, and I guess that's cool. I just miss my old band class, and my old lunch wave. I miss seeing my friends more, mainly because they are amazing people, and that they always treated me nice. Except for when they are busy and tell me to go away. I don't like that very much. I miss my friends who have graduated, and are away at college. I miss my first period US History class, where Jenni and I would gossip about pretty much everyone and everything. I miss the random emails that I used to write Charlotte everyday, because I hated typing with a passion, and never actually did my work. I miss my seventh period off period, spent with someone who ALWAYS listened to me, or ladder spend with two obnoxious boys...(okay fine, the one with the big nose is actually pretty cool.)
Next year, I'm going to be away from those people. I'm going to miss spending the mornings walking around with my friends. I'm going to miss playing the flute every single day. I'm going to miss walking into my friend's third period class.
I guess you never know what you have until it's gone.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Out with the Old, Into the New.

So 2011 ended.
Yay. New year. I graduate this year. Yay.
Okay, let's make this blog post a tad bit more happier.
I guess 2011 was okay. It had it's ups and downs. Like my grandfather dying? That's a down. My father and I not talking? That's a down. Fainting issues, and a bunch of other blows to my health. Yeah, that's a down to.But the ups somehow managed to beat the downs. Like meeting my curly haired gleek of a best friend? That's an up. Annoying the crap out of some people, especially someone with a big nose, and jewfro? That's always an entertaining up. Walking around, with no place to go with my other friend? Yeah, that's an up too. Homecoming? That's an up too, until I got sick. But yay, someone took care of me, so that's always a good thing. However the best part of 2011, was that no matter how much things sucked, I always had a shoulder to cry on. THANK YOU SHOULDER (s) TO CRY ON!
But like the stock market, every year has it's ups and downs. No year can be completly good, nor can a year completly suck. Let's rock 2012, through the good and the bad, and yeah. Don't drink so much, because then you'll get a hangover and do things you'll regret.




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