Halloween!

Hey Guys :D
Happy halloween! Or Hallow's eve if you will. Time to dress up and scare little children. Fun stuff right there, folks. Oh, and free candy.
So guess what tomarrow is.
November 1st.
I guess that doesn't really mean a lot for a lot of people, but for me, it's the start of the month of insane writing, also known as Nano Wri Mo, where you write 50,000 words, or basically it's a whole novel. So yeah. I think I could do this.
So I guess that means I wouldn't be blogging for a while...so I guess this is goodbye for a while blogger, but I'll try my best to write on here as much as I can during the month.
Here's my nano wri mo profile:
http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/nattbarletta
Come see my progress and stuff! 
Yeah...
Or not.

Happiness is.

Lately, I've been thinking about how one can be happy, and I've come up with one conclusion. Happiness is stuffed snoopies.
I can explain that.
In life, things are way too complicated. Like we need all of the designer things and the big things to make us happy, alongs with big things that makes us sad. So, I guess maybe little things such as snoopy stuffed animals ( I mean really, how can you not like a dancing beagle? Like seriously, he's sooooo freaking cute. I mean he can cook, dance, fly an airplane, write a novel, and fly an airplane) Snoopy is like a boss. It's just so damn cute to see. That, and the one that I just bought is sitting right next to me. He's a World War One Flying Ace. I swear thats the best part of the show.
I guess maybe cartoon beagles are just that awesome.
Maybe we need to watch more dancing beagles to be happy.

To Reach Out.

Ever feel so sad that you feel like no one is there to hear you cry, no one is there for you to hear you scream, or to help you up once you have fallen?
Yeah that has happened to me. Like for the past week.
Ever feel like everyone is barking at you to do something, like demanding something of you that you can't give, something that helps you become weaker and weaker, until the point you want to snap.
Yeah that sounds about right.
I feel like no one's listening to me.
Or caring.
I understand that people have lives, and want to live them. I just wish that they would, if they can be able to make me feel better. I try to pick myself up, but when I feel lonely, it would be nice if you could answer your phone. I never felt this weak, I never felt like I couldn't move on from day to day.
I hate it when people say that they want to be your friend, but then talk crap about you and tell you what to do. You aren't the fucking boss, you stupid bitch.
I wish someone could help me out of this hole.
Because I need help.
Like a lot of it.

A bunch of things Composed...

HEY THERE BLOGGERS...
I be back.
Well sorta.
I got some free time.
So. Hi.
How ya doing? Enjoying the weather? That's good.
SO I have had some interesting things to write about. So I've composed a list of what I like, and what I don't like.
Yay lists.
Lessgo.
Things I like:
My good friends
Memories
COOKIES.
Silver rings.
Things I Hate:
People ignoring me.
People thinking that they are all that.
DRAMAAAAAA.

And that's allll folkss. (yes I realize that this was crappy, but I really don't care. I wanted to post something, because...well yeah.)

Devotion.

Devotion. Three syllables.  Eight letters. But what does it mean? It’s no black and white answer, it’s purely gray, meaning that there is no exact definition, but we could find a definition through example, not through words. There are people, more mature than I am, who show this word, rather than define it. The definition of devotion, in my book, is being there for someone, through thick, and thin, through the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I see devotion, I think of my grandma taking care of my grandma. When I see this, I see someone who truly cares about that other person. Devotion is something that means love.

When I hear the word devotion, my mind takes a little trip in time to when my grandma took care of my grandpa, who was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. When he couldn’t walk, she used to lift him into a wheelchair. She changed his diapers, and did whatever she could to take care of him, including sacrificing her own sanity, by not getting out much, unless it was a hundred percent necessary. When he didn’t want to take his pills, she would nag him, until he said somethings that I will not repeat (he wasn’t a violent man, it was the dementia), until he would break down, and take them just to shut her up. When he was confined to live in a nursing home, she would race up there as soon as she can, and leave when the nurses would tell her that visiting hours were over. This is devotion, because she was focused on him, through the good times in their marriage, and through the last five years, which involved her personal sacrifices, just to keep him happy, and healthy.

When I see the word devotion, I think of someone who actually cares about the other person. Marriage, is an example of this. Nowadays, I feel like that people don’t take marriage seriously. Devotion, is part of the marriage. The older couples, would do anything to take care of the other, which is devotion, whereas some of the younger couples would leave their spouses when they have other things to do, or they find someone else to do the things that their previous spouse was unable to do. Caring about someone, and being devote to them, is part of a loving marriage, and one that lasts.

Devotion is part of my definition of love. If you are in love with someone, you are devote to them. You will do anything for them, you will go to any lengths humanly possible to make them happy, even if it involves not being able to do something that is more fun than what you have to do. When you love someone, you have to be there for someone. There has to be more than just the physical, and the “hey you’re kinda cute” thing. Love is truly making an effort for them.

Devotion. It’s something that we hear about it. Maybe we will see it, but it is rare, a once in a lifetime kinda thing. It’s something that I saw with my grandparents. It involves you caring about them. And it’s called love.

An Eulogy.

Today, we buried my grandpa, a man that means a lot to me. My cousin wrote a eulogy, although I always thought I was going to do it. But then, at the alter, I choked. So, here's an eulogy, although none of my family will get to read it:
When I went to write a paper about the people that mean the most to me for expository writing, there was one person in mind that I could possibly write about. That person is my grandfather.
From as long as I can remember, my grandfather ran for me, and my cousins. Whether it was the hockey games, or the constant hospital visits that we all had to go through, my grandfather was front and center for everything, good or bad. Family is something that he always thought was important, to the day he died.
My grandfather loved all of his grandkids, me especially. I remember after being safety patrol in sixth grade, we would go out to coffee at Dunkin Doughnuts, however I wouldn't have coffee.
Sonny taught me most about love. He loved Millie more than anything. He taught me that some men are good out there, whereas others not so much. Everyday, while spending my childhood with him and Millie (who he often referred to as King Pin), he wouldn't be anywhere without her. As she wouldn't be anywhere without him. I personally think the reason he hung onto this life for as long as he did was because he truly didn't want her to be sad of his passing, or that he loved her so much that he didn't want to see her move on.
In life, Sonny was never serious. I always remember him being one of the kids, while my grandmother was watching the troops, and keeping the things in order. I remember him being happy, loving yellow, and talked about the gold old days when he was in the army. He always had a joke in tow, and enjoyed the company of many people, whether he just met them or knew them for years. He was everyone's friend, and loved by people.
Sonny Mansi was a son, brother, veteran, a husband, father, and grandfather. He was a man of many things, delivered bananas for a living, and was Millie's personal chauffeur in his old age. Although he never went to school or did scholarly things, there are things that he taught me that I feel were important. He taught me to never refuse money, to never complain, and to be happy, one of the last phrases that he said to me, and my cousin before his death. And, although I'm sad to see him leave this earth, I know that he is smiling upon us, probably saying "why are you crying, let's eat!", and spending the time with his long lost friends, and relatives, his beloved mother, father, and siblings. I remember him as being a happy individual, someone who never complained, and enjoyed his black1970 Cadaliac devile, which to this day, remains in amazing condition.

I honestly Don't Know What to Say.

Writing lately is not a fun time, because I can't think of anything to actually write about. So, if you like to help me with that topic, that would be great.
I don't know what I'm feeling right now.
I don't know what to say right now.
I don't know what to think right now.
I don't know anything.
So, I guess that these things are the kind of things that are hard to say. I guess that when things happen, it's just the case.
I feel lonely.
I want someone to talk to.
I want a cookie.
I'm dreading tomarrow, not because I have disrespect, I just don't want to say goodbye. Goodbye is the hardest thing to ever say to someone when you know the next time you see them, you'll be gone. It feels like it's unreal.
I can't believe it.
I realllly feel like talking to someone right about now. So, if you have my number, maybe it might be a good idea to text me. I feel like having a friend right about now. And maybe, some french fries. I want some of those too. And with cheese on it. Lots of cheese.
Just saying.

When You Have Nothing to Say, Maybe the Best Thing to Say is Nothing

Sometimes we know just what to say. Others we don't. How can we fit how we feel, on a piece of paper, or a computer screen, and then maybe in a later time realize you could have gone farther in it, done better.
Sometimes, we don't know what to say, and the feelings just sit there in our brain, begging to be expressed. Life's too short for that. We have these feelings. We should express them, and if they don't work out for the best, then they don't work out. But that's not because you didn't try. People could be here one day, and gone the next, because you really don't know what today brings. I guess it's sad to leave a dream that hasn't been able to be dreamnt, dreams are meant to be lived.
I guess at the end of everyday, we should count our blessings. I have millions of things to say, questions to ask, and I feel like my time is never going to be enough. I only wish I knew how to put my feelings, my damn emotions into legit words. And sentences, we need those too.
I guess I should tell that person I love him. Or learn how to speak sign langauge. Or do the millions of other things I say I'm going to do, and never do.
Oh hey look a email.
Life's too short to be just reading. Maybe it's time to begin writing.

*Here's my grandfather's obituary link (or the link to his obituary). He kinda inspired this whole entry. If you feel it the case, then take the time to read it. RIP grandpa
1927-2011
http://obit.iovanne.com/obitdisplay.html?id=981618&listing=Current

I Have No Title.

Today I think is the worst day of my life. The person who I love and respect more than anything, has left this earth. He's in heaven now, and as I write this, I cry a river.
He was a man who I love and respect more than anyone. I never thought that there would be a person like him. I wish I got to know him more, I wish he was alive to see me graduate high school. I will always remember leaving badminton indifferent, and going home to feel broken.
Dear Grandpa,
I love you more than anything. You were a great man. You were my one true father figure in my life. You thought me what a man should be like, you thought me that there were good men on this planet. I love you, and will always credit you as being my real parent. I hope you are in heaven, and I hope you are happy, because you deserve the best. I'll think about you everyday of my life, watching Golden Girls with me, taking me everywhere. You were the best person and I wish I could have been there more. I love you grandpa.

To Change. Or Not To Change.

I hate it that women think they have to change themselves to get a man. I mean, come on, if a man was going to be with you for the rest of your life, then wouldn't he be the fool for being with someone who wasn't real? Isn't the whole point of being with someone is to have someone that you enjoy with, not a complete barbie doll.
Just saying.
Women just be yourselves, and men stop being pigs and wanting playboy bunnies instead of human beings. After all, we're not perfect, and you're not either. No relationship is about how pretty someone is, it's about how they mesh together, to make that peanut butter and jelly combonation that is award winning.
I'm tired of Christopher saying that the best thing about a girl is her apperance. I understand it's a part of the whole attractiveness and mating. But I guess men who only fall for the pretty blondes are the ones who end up alone at the end, maybe divorced or something.
Maybe the men should follow their heart.
There's advice that my grandfather gave me yesterday that is going to stick with me for the rest of my life. Be happy.
What does it mean to be happy? To me that means to have people you love, and lots of cookies. You can never have too many of those cookies. Especially the chocolate chip ones, that have just have come out of the oven. Those are always a good thing to have in tow.
To be happy with someone is like eating a warm cookie on a sunny day. You can never not be happy. It's sweet and sugary (maybe not the second one) And you are never left to feel life cold, and alone. Even though you could be feeling that, there's just that one or two people in your life, maybe not lovers to help you feel less alone.
And that's something I guess that everyone needs in their life.

I Feel Like.

I feel like certain things bring out the worst in us, death and break ups for example. They can make us say things we don't actually mean to say, swearing, having the worst possible outlook in the world, because you feel like doing nothing but sitting in the corner and feeling sorry for yourself, because that's what lazy fucks do when they feel sad.
I feel like men don't treat women the way that they should. I feel like some treat their women like they are slaves, ordering them to make them sandwiches, putting them down, when they should put them up. I feel like men should realize that they have the best that they can possibly have. Women are like diamonds, rare, and beautiful, and a man should treasure them.
I feel like sucide is the way out of bad situations. Every situation has a way out, so there's no need to kill yourself.
I feel like I don't appericate the people who are always there for me, like my closest friends, the ones who I text crying and the ones who I nag twenty four seven.Sometimes I don't say thank you enough, or even at all. I have just come to expect it. Thank you to those whose text inbox I blow up on a daily basis. Without y'all, I don't know...I guess I would be a lonely person. And to all of my friends, family, teamates, coach, and everyone else who I've forgotton, thank you.

To Take But Not To Give.

I hate it when someone does a lot for you, but you get nothing in return, not even respect. I mean someone who does something good for you like drop what they were doing and run over to help you. Someone who did everything for you, and you just sat there and watched them scrivel up into nothing, not even to go and see them on their death bed.
Oh, hello world, I'm ranting.
Anyways, where was I?
Oh yes, now I remember.
Rant time.
Well, I feel if someone does nice things for you, then you should pay them with enough respect and dignity, to go and see you.
It's the least you can do. Just saying.
Now do it.
Now.
NOW.
RIGHT THIS FUCKING SECOND.
Okay, I'm done.

I don't Know What to say.

I don't know what to say.
So here's a little poem;
Eyes often imprint in my mind, 
Repeat again and again over time. 
I don't know what makes the good die young. 
People just tell me to stay strong. 
Yesterday was good-bye for the last time, 
I don't know what to say, how to make the words fit so fine. 
If I said that I love you, 
Would the words be so true?
Rest now, rest forever, 
I have my life to live before we're together. 
I will never forget you, 
Never told a lie, your words were always true. 
I can't forget the past, 
I only wish it could last. 
If it can carry onto my future, 
That's a memory that I can only ensure. 

Melting Pot

Today is just one of those days that you feel sad for no apparant reason, the day when you just want to crawl in a corner and not do anything. And all you want is a hug. And maybe even a cupcake. Those are really good too. I like cupcakes.
Today is one of those days when my mind is a billion miles elsewhere, not thinking about what's going on around me, and my mind is somewhere where I end up failing tests and feel like I'm going to end up all alone.
I feel like crap basically.
I'm also angered.
I also want a hug.
I hate it when people act like they are entitiled for certain things. I hate it when bitches be acting loud and obnoxious because they think that they should be the ones doing things first and that they should get exceptions on the rules, whereas if someone else did it then they would be the first to say "she's wrong, and she's a bitch."
I also hate it when people think I'm stupid. I hate when people tell me that because I didn't take a cetain class and made one lousy mistake that I'm a dumb ass. No, I'm not a dumb ass. I take honors classes, and one AP. I suck at math. SO DEAL WITH IT, AND STOP SAYING CAUSE I'M STUPID BRO...cause I'm not. I just sometimes have a wierd way of showing it.
Today is just one of those days when you don't want to do your homework, lie in bed for hours on end until your pain goes away, when really it's not going to. You try hard to concentrate on things, but you're just failing at every single attempt.
Today, I just want someone to help me out of this alive.

The Confusing Emotions.

Emotions and I are never a good mix, kind of like toothpaste and orange juice. I try to run from them, as far away as possible, because dealing with them is one of the scariest things on the planet.
But then, it caught up with me.
I always thought that crying was a sign of weakness, a sign of showing "hey world, my life sucks, so I'm going to draw as much attention as humanly possible, and hope that you can comfort me, blahblahblah."
But no more.
I always thought my life was hard, not growing up with a father, but then I never thought of the need to deal with emotions. My mom never cried when my dad left her, why should I cry over something that really isn't that important?
But then, well..I became a teenager.
Yesterday, I watched someone that I love be in pain, eyes crying for help. An image, that is haunting me to this very minute. Yesterday, I felt like crying. I felt like punching a while. I wanted someone to take me far away from what I was witnessing, and to never see it again, locking it under lock and key. I wanted to someone to hold me as I cried. And, I want someone to tell me that they will help me feel like I'm not alone, because sometimes I feel like I am. Chris always told me to never let my emotions get the best of me..but look at where I am.
They got the best of me. Someone please dig me out of this whole.

I Often Think.

Thinking in the waiting room is always a fun time.
I think about life...the quality of it, and other things.

• I often think about death and dying.
• I often think about love.
• I often think about cookies. 
• I often think about the way that things are. 
• In the end, I often think about you.

Thinking about things is something that I guess is important for someone to do. Thoughts about certain things confuse me..
but then the things in life that confuse me the most are the ones that are the most important....well, so I've heard.