A Playlist to Entertain the Masses.

I've been listening to a lot of music lately, because music is awesone. So, I decided to give you people a few recomendations, because everyone can use some new classy music.

• "Anonanimal" by Andrew Bird. It's one of those songs you listen to when you want to be at peace. I always find myself to be in a happy mood after listening. Good song for those who are stressed out.
• "Firewall" by Bright Eyes. Bright Eyes is one of the most amazing bands of all time, at least in my opinion. Right now, their new album "The People's Key" has become one of my favorite albums. This and "JeJune Stars" are my favorite tracks on the album. Bright, you did a good job! Everyone should go check their new stuff on Pandora. (Also, one of my favorite sites.)
• Theme from the film "Braveheart". I never actually saw the movie, but one day I discovered the music. It is oh so pretty. (Also, check out "Wallace Courts Murron", and "Gift of a Thistle", if you like it)
• The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack. I really need to see the whole movie, but the music is pretty. I enjoy "Overture", "Angel of Music", "Phantom of the Opera", and "All I Ask Of You". Come to think of it, I saw it in a play when I was ten.

Well, here's a few recomendations for y'all. Enjoy! (Also, if you guys have any recomendations, please let me know, I like new music.)

Lonely Days.

Lonely days, lonely nights, where would I be without my woman?
Thank you, Bee Gees, you gave me a good thing to start my entry with.
Good morning, Mr. Sunshine, you brighten up my day....
Okay enough with the music.
I'm lonely. I'm tired of the ghosts haunting me. I'm tired of just chilling on my couch, watching Jersey Shore, and other sitcoms. I want to live, to have a boy, and to have a relationship with that boy has well. Is that too much to ask?
I'm tired of being lonely.
I'm tired of waiting for my Mr. Big.
I'm tired of being just a friend.
I'm tired of this kid messaging me. He needs to get a life and stop winking.
Take it away, Barry.
Lonely days, Lonely nights, where would I be without my woman?
Barry, I'm right here.

The Difference.

This morning, while brushing my teeth, I got to thinking. What is the difference between a good friend and a bad friend? I mean, often we tend to be good ones, and sometimes we forget to be good ones. (Okay, that sounds really bad, but sometimes we do slip up on occaison.)
What makes a good friend? I shall compose a list:

• A good friend is always, always happy for their friend, even though they may feel like it's a touchy subject for them. For example, your friend gets an A on a test that you failed. Although, you may feel bad that you failed, however you still can not be happy for your friend.
• You will be "wingwoman" to the person when they are dating someone. If you're friend has a boyfriend, you know when to leave them the hell alone. If you and your friend are at a social gathering, and you see someone that you like, then your friend helps you get to know that person. (And if that situation was reversed, you would do the same)
• When you're sad, you're friend won't ask questions. They will take walks around the neighborhood and let you babble on and on about how your life sucks, they will let you call them up crying and screaming, and they won't give a fuck.
• When in a situation, then your friend will help you out. Like if you seem to have tripped in water, they will loan you pants.
• A friend will bail you out of jail; a good friend will be right next you saying "What the fuck just happened?"
• A good friend is someone who knows your ups and downs, and still loves you. They may hate what you enjoy, but still let you talk about it, because you will do the same. They will take your food, and tease you, but that's only because they love you.

What is a bad friend, you may ask? Here's another list:

• Cause drama. I mean come on bitch? You're life isn't all drama.
• Talk about soley yourself, and not give a shit. I mean come on, there are like 6 billion people on the planet, so the world doesn't revolve around you.
• Cling. Come on, I have other friends than you, and I'm sure that you do too.

Wow, I don't have that many examples of a bad friend. Well anways, here you go folks! And for my good friends reading this (IE Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda, and Jenni, to name a few), thank you for being such great friends!

Beware of the Greeneyed Monster.

Know what I hate? Girls that get jealous because their boyfriends are talking to some other girl. Just talking to another girl, not doing them. They get all mad, because they are jealous of some girl who just said hello to their boyfriend.
I think jealousy is based on not having enough trust for someone, or someone not having faith in the relationship so that it lasts forever. Some woman are just insecure, and they let their fears get in the way. (Ps: To all of the women that are like that, and get mad because their man is just having a conversation with another girl, please note that it isn't healthy. It's one of the signs of abusive relationships, which of course is bad. Of course your guy is going to talk to girls, so just get over it.)
I was thinking about that, while brushing my teeth, and it made me angry. I don't get it why people get jealous over stupid things. If someone says that they are just friends with someone, believe them. No need to get mad, sister, because there are females on the planet.
So get over it.
Thank you.

To Know, or Not to Know?

When bad things happen, some people want to recieve the news in two different ways. Some want to get the news as soon as possible, ripping off the band-aid and getting it over with. Others try to run from the bad news as much as they can, avoiding the subject for as long as possible, or even until it all catches up to them and then they have a breakdown.
Which one of these applies to you?
The ones who want to rip the band aid tend to have rougher skin then the ones who run. They tend to be the ones who can deal with probelms easier then the ones who run.
I'm not calling the ones who run from the truth sad piece of life either. Some people can deal with things; others can not. Some can deal with pain, others chose to run away from it. Running may seem like the easy way out for them because they can't deal with the probelm, and they don't want to. Whether its death, or relationships, those types of people just can't deal with it. It's just programmed in their DNA that they are not able to deal with that kind of thing.
I am one of those people. The kind of person that runs when life gets bad. I get afraid and I panic and then I start to run because it's the only escape that I can find to be rid of the bad probelms. I usually run to friends, or I just run as fast as humanly possible. But the only probelm with running, is one day, something will cause you to stop. And then you're a trainwreck.
And trainwrecks are never fun.
How do you stop running and start to deal?

Happy.

Well, Samantha said that my writing is depressing, so I'm going to write about something happy.
So...happy.
What is happiness exactly? Is it the big things that happen, like the beginning of a relationship? Or is the small things that make our day better, such as chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes, and small puppies? Or do we have a list that makes one happy, both the little and the big things?
Yeah, I think that's how it goes.
Often, we forget about the little things that make our day just a bit better. Things like Cinnamon buns, white hot chocolate, or little daisies are things that always can help make someone's day better, but are always buried under the sadness and importance of a better bigger thing going on in our lives.
So what makes me happy?
I shall compose a list.

• Making bracelets. Wait, scratch that. Making all kinds of jewelry make me happy. I don't know why, but it does. That, and I make some damn good stuff.
• Nutella. I love nutella.
• Cookies, of course. Truth is, when someone eats a cookie, they can never frown. People should eat more cookies.
• Running. It relaxes me. When I run, I feel like I never have any stress.
• Movies. My personal favorites are Titanic and Dirty Dancing.
• Dancing. Sometimes, getting into the zone is the key to getting your mind off of someone that broke your heart. Whenever I dance (although I'm not the greatest), I feel like everything just fades away, and all I think about is that movies.
• Friends. Having someone to talk to is always fun, and it's always good to hang out with people. (Thanks Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte and Jenni!)
• Cupcakes. Yes, this is the third food related thing. I'm unhealthy, get over it. But in addition to them being really good, (I have a thing for frosting), they are kinda cute.

The little things that make us happy I guess can help us with the big things that make us sad.

A Craving For Love.

Basically, I've spent the last year wasting my time and energy on someone who didn't like me. Then I spent about a month liking someone who I thought shared those feelings for me, and then turns he didn't. Well, I was definate that he had those feelings for me, because of the way that he acted and the way that he looked at me.
I have a craving. Yes, for nutella. But also for love. I have a craving for someone who actually is decent and feels the same way about me as I do about them. I want someone who will be there for me, who won't tell me what to do, who cares more about me then my breasts. I want the tingly feeling when you talk to someone and then blush after they call you pretty or darling.
I don't need a relationship. I just want one. I want someone to tell me that I mean more than just a person who exists. I want to be special in someone's eyes. I want someone to keep me company.
At the end of the day, I think thats what every girl wants. Someone to keep her company at night. Someone that will always be there for her.
At the end of these lines of frogs, is there a prince? Is there a good guy for me? Or will I always be forever alone.
I guess I could search around the world, but I can't seem to find someone to love.

One Year.

About a year ago, I started to write this lovely blog. (I found that today, because I was looking at my early posts) I don't know why I started it, maybe I was bored, or maybe I just wanted to say something. Either way, I started writing it.
I didn't exactly write 365 days worth of blogs, I haven't gotton serious until this past January. I want to take the time to thank some of the people that helped make this possible. Well that, and I couldn't think of anything else to write:
I wanted to first thank my real life Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha, (formally Sookie). You guys are the best, and always are there for me when I need someone to talk to. Thank you all for reading my blog, day after day, because you guys are really good friends. Without you guys, I would go crazy. That, and if anyone hurts you, they are idiots, because you guys are awesome.
I'd also like to thank Jenni, because she's the best guidette. She's always there for me, and every morning during first period would listen to me bitch. Thank you Jenni, and I hope only the best for you and Tom.
Thank you Chris for giving me material and critizing my grammar. Also, thank you for being there via text when I want to talk about getting over someone.
Thank you God for giving me life.
Thanks to all of the other readers that I have not given names for.
Now, time to think of a legit topic....

Is Monogmy Going Outta Style?

Y'all have heard of polygmy, right? When people have more than one partner, in thier bed, more than one person on their mind, more than one person, so that when we get broken we don't have to worry about being all alone.
Y'all know what monogmy is right? When someone only has one lover for their life, or one lover at a time.
In the news you hear about people who cheat. You hear about people who have one really good woman, and another on the side. Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen come to mind.
So, I must ask, is monogmy going out of style? Is it like clothes, when it's in for one season, and out for another season? Or is it a classic, like a little black dress, or pearls, something that will always be in your closet, something that will never go out of style? Things in our closet can fall into two catergories: things you can rely on in a crisis, and things that will only be there for a time, because of trends, and trends and seasons changes.
Is monogmy like a set of pearls or sillybands?
I think that relationships are a lot like our closets, whether in love or in friendship. We have those friends who flake when life gets bad, like our clothes that rip whenever you move. Then we have the classic friends who never go outta style, the friends who are like black dresses. They save you when you can't think of anything else to wear, and they are always there for you.

Word up Broski, I Really Don't Like You.

Okay, I am a bit of a flirt. I enjoy the company of males, and pretty much flirt with everything that isn't Chris (sorry Chris, but you got a girlfriend, and you're now like my little brother that I never had). Of course, I have standards, I just think that flirting is something that shouldn't be taken seriously, because flirting is just talking to people with a game plan.
So I talk to this greenade. (Yes, Jersey Shore reference.) And at first, he seems cool. So, for the fun of it, I get his number. (Getting numbers is fun) And now he either texts me, or tries to contact me in some way shape or form via Facebook.
Here's what I have to say: Word up Broski, I just don't like you. And you annoying me isn't helping you, nope not one bit.
For the record, I'm not mornally this mean. I try to be as nice to people as humanly possible, because I wouldn't want someone to be that rude to me. But sometimes, being driven off of that edge, I can snap, and turn into the world's biggest bitch.  That's what happens when I get too annoyed.
Man, I should turn into Big. At least he has patience to deal with people that he doesn't like, and annoy him, like myself. Big, do you offer lessons?
Or maybe fuck off will be acceptable?

Dear Luke.

Remember a couple of years ago, when everyone hated Kayne West for going on the stage at the MTV movie awards when Taylor Swift won an award that he thought Beyonce should win? He must have felt like an asshole the next day. He must have wanted to crawl under a rock. Imagine all of the shame that he felt, because of acting like a jerk.
I feel that same way, with someone named Luke.
Dear Luke,
I'm sorry that I had to expose you to all of that stuff. I'm sorry to put you through random people asking you about your feelings towards me. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, because you seem like a cool dude, and you really don't need someone to inquire you about your feelings, whether you actually feeling them or not.
I really did like you. Maybe I still do, somewhere deep inside in the dungeons of my heart, my dry, bitter heart. I only meant it to be something that you keep within close friends, but somehow it ended up going through the grapevine. I didn't mean for this to happen.
I think it's cool that you like My Little Pony. I think you are an amazing artist. I think you are a cool kid.
I'm sorry for all that I've done. I don't mean to offend you. I didn't mean for things to happen the way that it did. It just did. Things like that happen with all of my friends, especially Charlotte, Miranda and Sookie, because they witnessed me going through broken heart after broken heart, and only wanted to see me happy, with someone who liked me (maybe liked me), and someone who they and I both thought were actually decent.
I feel bad that things just didn't go well, basically. I was stupid, and I'm truly sorry. I really want to
I hope it won't be awkward to be your friend. I hope that things will be back to normal, although, I have a feeling it won't be.
Maybe one day it would be...

Breaking Up...Is It All Nature.

Lately, it seems like everyone is breaking up. Superman and Lous Lane. (I don't know how to spell her first name, to be honest. Jennifer Lopez and Marco Anthony Brad and Jen. Barbie and Ken (Okay they broke up a while ago, but it's still the same thing.)
Why does everyone break up? Is it all nature? They make millions of songs about it, and how the next one will be around the corner, better than the first. But, whatever happened to the happily ever after, love story aspect on all of this? Whatever happened to the dream of being with someone forever, and they being with you forever? Have we lost this common goal? Sure, if a relationship doesn't work out, because you are not happy, then it's one thing. If they are hurting you, abusing you, giving you mental or physical bruises, then yes, you should leave, because it's unhealthy not to. (Look at Sammi and Ronnie on the hit show Jersey Shore. Fighting? Not Good) But making a mistake to cost you that relationship should matter more, should be a greater cost because that person matters more.
Of course, if you truely love someone, than you should do what's best for them. You should try to not lose sight of what's best for your health, and what's best for their health, physically and mentally.
But, using someone isn't good either. Being in a relationship for all of the wrong reasons, just because you are afraid to leave, isn't good either.
Breaking up with someone is something that is far too common I think. I think relationships are required to have work involved, and someone whose afraid to put in the work, and leaves, is also very stupid, because that person should matter more than your selfish needs. Making it work, or trying to make it work should matter more than pride or laziness.
Breaking up may just be in the human code. It may just be in our blood as humans not to be happy with whatever comes our way, and always look for that newer, shinier, better model. We could never be happy with ourselves, and what we have, and then we have to get more.
It's just the way of life.

A Closet Child.

Ever have someone be ashamed of you? Whether it be a parent, or a boyfriend or someone else, it feels the same. It just sucks, because someone thinks that you are worth nothing, and that you aren't good enough to fit into the picture frame of their life.
To my father, I don't give a shit what your damn wife says. I don't give a shit if she threatened to walk and leave you with nothing. Damnit, I'm your daughter. I should be more important, Dad. I should be the one that you care about. Dad, you screwed up. You were the one that walked out when I was just two years old. You were the one who fought for the rights, and then chose not to see me. I don't get it why you have time to babysit the neighbor's children, but yet, you never did shit for me. I don't get it that whenever I go up to see you, your friends say that they didn't know that you had a daughter, you selfish bastard. I don't get it why you never showed up to anything, concerts (well some), doctor's appointments, and all of that shit. I was never a damn priority with you, and I am your daughter.
Dad, I want to mean something other than the sperm that met my mother's egg seventeen years ago. I'm a person, with a heart made of glass. You hurt me, and although I try to make amends, you go two steps foreward and one step back. We need to make progress. I don't want to hear speeches, I don't need that in my life. I'm done with all of that bullshit. I just need a chance.
Or was wanting a change between us just one of your lies, you asshole?
You, Dad, unlike the others are one person I didn't think would be ashamed to be around me. Do I not fit your life anymore? Am I only cool when your good and ready? I can take a boy being ashamed of me, but you Dad, I didn't see this coming. Thanks for seventeen years of disappointments.

Why Do We Always Assume Things?

Ever jump to conclusions about someone or something? Sterotypes, maybe? You know what they say when you assume things, right. So why do we?
Like if two teenagers go into the planned parenthood, we assume two things: they either are having a baby, or having sex. They could be going there with a friend, or for a friend, or just plain old asking questions about the matter of sex and STDs.
Or two people, boy and girl, were friends. People often assume that you're dating but you're just friends. But thanks to that word, assume, people jump to conclusions all too quickly.
Or a boy with long hair, and straightens it. We assume that he is either gay, or just strange, when really he could just like his hair like that.
So why do we assume things?
I think that assumptions are something we as human beings can not help. I think that we come up with judgements, as a way to shield us, as a way to protect us from all of those who scare us. Coming up with judgements is something that protects us about things that we are afraid of facing because its something different than what we are used to. Being different is scary, because all of them haters are all up on you trying to bring you down. I think if you chose not to be labelled, then you are considered wierd. Everyone tries to give you a label, whether it's a handbag, or on what kind of person? Why must we type someone or something? Isn't the quality of it good enough?
Well, if you assume things, you make an ass out of you and me, so why do we as a society come to make an ass out of ourselves, whether it's family matters or a celebraty? Why do we have to type someone, or something? Isn't our time better spent getting to know them first?

Friends With Benefits...What Are the Benefits?

Ever heard of the term 'friends with benefits?' Well, it's a term of people having some course of initmate behavior, without having the wieght of a commitment on their shoulders. So basically it's a relationship with all of the benefits, without having to worry to call. Without the worry about cheating.
So, whatever happened to the old fashioned way of dating? When the guy met the dad of the date, told him that he liked her, and asked him to date his daughter.
Yes, I realize that is the the dinosaur way of dating, but it happens to be the way of thought. Now we have sex friends, and I think it's just beyond stupid. I think that if a guy likes a girl, then he shouldn't be ashamed to take her out on a date, in public. He shouldn't be afraid to commit, if he likes her, he shouldn't be afraid of what his friends say about the girl. Yes, he'd care, but he wouldn't be afraid to introduce her to people that mean something to him, especially if she meant anything to him.
Friends with benefits is stupid to me. Yes, it may be the answer to the commitment prone people because they get their sex out of the deal, but then what's sex without the love behind the sex? It's just meaningless, like giving a gift without any thought. Don't bother doing it.
Sometimes, I worry about the standards of the future. Teenagers, women as young as me, getting pregant, or have children? Whatever happened to "first comes love; then comes marriage; then comes Chris and Sookie in a baby carriage?" (sorry guys, I had to use you guys as an example.) Whatever happened to waiting until marriage to have sex? Whatever happened to the 50s way of dating, when someone who was pregnant as a teenager was sent away. Whatever happened to being proud of who you were with, that you wanted to show them to everyone?
Am I really talking about an era that's dead? Is friends with benefits the norm for all people that want to have relationship? Are we entering an era when casual sex is appluaded, like in shows such as Secert Life and Teen Mom? Is dating, and only dating becoming a thing of the past, when you went out to dinner and to bowl or something like that? Where did it go?
Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. We will never know.

Help me, I'm in Love. Save me, I'm Drowning.

I figured out something. I figured out something while sitting on the rocks at a beach.
I'm in love with Mr. Big.
I think I am anyways.
I'm in love with someone who doesn't care. In love with someone who failed to remember it was my birthday. He's just a friend. I wish he was a lover, my lover. But I can't change things. And Charlotte says that I can't help who I fall for.
And I think I'm falling for Big. With his green eyes. (I think they are green anyways.) His ways. His likings for Tom Petty and old cars. I don't even care if his hair is long or short.
But if this was a movie, then wouldn't this be the part where he appeared out of nowhere, and told me he loved me?
I guess why more realistic movies never sold with the ladies. We all need a sense of fairy tale mythology in our lives to deal with the bad stuff.
But, now what?
I guess, I don't know the answer...
Maybe, I'll figure out something. Well I hope so anyways.

Relationship Role Models.

Parents are sposed to be great influences on us. They are spposed to show us what is right, and what is wrong. They are sposed to show us what to do, and what not to do. (Basically, parents are good people, I'm lazy and I don't feel like coming up with more examples and metaphors.)
But, when it comes to relationships, should we listen to them? Should we follow their example? Should we listen to their words of wisdom, when we have a heart and a spirit of our own to lead us to our decesions?
Should a man who has had an affair influence his son's relationship with his girlfriend, when he has cheated on his son's mother?
Take my cousins for example. Their parents, like mine, are divorced. Their mother takes care of them, and has relationships that are seperate from their home life. Their father on the other hand, decided to be one for the kids, and built a house just for his kids. A few years later, he met a woman, that he had feelings for. Instead of being a classy father, and doing the dating thing slowly because he has children, (some say it's because he's cheap), he brings her home with him. Over a couple of years, he gets her pregnant, and the rest of the family stops speaking to him until Sonny gets sick. Now, my cousins are old enough for serious relationships. I often wonder if they will do the same thing, hiding their other person from people, getting them pregnant (well not practicing safe sex), and marrying someone that people don't think is right for you, and then finding yourself unhappy, and unable to get out of a situation.
"Don't follow your father's footsteps", my mother always warns them.
People say that you should always listen to your parents. But, if they have made mistakes, then why would you listen to them? If all they do is make mistakes, then why would you even want to follow them?
But then, like us parents were young, and stupid and make mistakes like all of us. are now. We will make mistakes, of our own, and maybe ones that many has made before us.
Maybe relationships are something that we do not need a role model for. Maybe, it's something that we need to come an answer to on our own.

Family Gatherings.

Family. We all have one. The crazy people that we sometimes are ashamed of. The ones that know every embarssing detail of our lives, but still love us anyways. They are the ones that come over ever holiday, demanding food. They are the ones that have seen you at your high points, and the ones that have seen you at your low points.
No matter what happens, you will always have your family, no matter how much they annoy you, no matter how much they get under your skin, they will always be there for you. They will always be there on your good days, and the bad. They have to, because family can't leave you hanging, whether it's a friend whose like family, or an actually family member, it's all the same.
Family is hard to shake.
The gatherings that we have with them are the canvas of making memories. When we are old and gray, we will look back and remember the time little cousin Timmy spilled orange juice over Aunt Vicky, or the time when we decided to wear cake as makeup.
Family is always there.
Family is what makes us, whether its the one that we are given or the one that we can create ourselves. It's something that we can not do without, and something that is completly necesary.
Life without family is no life at all.

The Grass Is Not Always Greener

Sometimes, I think about life. I wonder if anyone is truly happy with what they have and what they are given in life, or they always want something else, something else that either they can't have, or that they dream to have. Like celebrates, who dreamed of being famous. And now, they talk about being swarmed by the paparazzi, and have tons of bodyguards, however we desire to be just like them, because they are famous, and they can afford all of the designer clothes and bags. But then they are the ones who have bigger probelms other than wanting to own a Louis Vuitton that cost more than a college tution.
Sometimes, I feel like no one can ever be content with what they have, because they want something to replace what they had. And once they get it, they want something else, so that the desire can never truely be fulfilled, and it will always be there.
Is that the same with a relationship? If you get a boyfriend, you then desire living the single life, because you have all of the time with your girlfriends, to go shopping, to do whatever you want, without having a guy up your butt telling you that shopping is boring.  If you're finding yourself single, you can't help but want someone else to love, another boyfriend or girlfriend.
Will we ever be happy with what we have, or will we always be wanting something?
Hmmm. These are the questions that will haunt me.

*I'd like to dedicate this blog entry to my good friend Chris. Thanks to him, and his patient ways (well me running ideas off of him, while he was counting the minutes until I shut up), I had a topic for today. Thanks again, kind sir, and have a good time at camp next week!

Love Letters.

Yesterday, a friend wanted to write a love letter to his girlfriend. Okay, so the friend was Chris, but that's not the point. Basically, he didn't know what to say, writer's block if you will. So, it got me thinking about the pressure to be perfect, especially when relating to love and the worries that one has when they really like or someone that they date. (Well, I'd hope they would like someone in order to date them. Of course the whole arranged marriage thing comes into mind) We feel pressured to be this perfect soul, a robot, a person who we are not, just to please them, to be the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend.
I think love is like humans, not perfect. In our minds, it is. But there is no perfect circles, there is no perfect love. Everyone and everything has its flaws. So, why do we always strive to be perfect? Can't we just be human, the way that everything was meant to be? The person of interest is human as well, the person of interest make mistakes. So, why do you feel the pressure to be afraid to screw up? Why do you feel the pressure to do something outstanding, just to show that you are the perfect match for them? To show that you care about them, and that you are not a bad person.
I always hated perfectionists. They always annoyed me, because I never was perfect, and colored in the lines.
I guess the advice that I could give someone writing a love letter, or a love poem, or bascially anything love related, is that say what's in your heart. It's real. It's there, existing. Saying what you're feeling, versus saying what you're not feeling, and you feel you should be feeling, is something completly different. Saying what you feel is real. Saying what you think you should feel is fake.
Personally, I think fake people are annoying. Just saying.

Hello Perfect Stranger, Hey Hi, How Ya Doing?

Ever meet a hot stranger on the street while you're walking around, and he's well hot? So what do you do. You say hello.
Normally, I'm shy around people I barely know, such as the people walking their dogs, people that we probably will only see once in our lives. People that cross our paths for one spilt second, and then we go our seperate ways. We have two options. Stare, or talk to them. Usually, to be honest, I will sit there and stare at the person. But today, something told me to say hello.
And I did.
And, man it felt good.
Man, it's good to say hello to people, to be able to say hello to new people, to break the mold of sad shy girl. It's sad really, that I think saying hello to a random cute stranger is a good thing, but hey here I am.
Maybe, it's the people we see for a small second, the ones that get a small ounce of attention, the ones that we will never even know our names, are the ones that will never hurt us. They are just there, to give you your coffee, and the ones that wait on your table at the local diner. They sort of have that safety net of always being there, probably never going to get to know us, probably never going to be more than an extra in your movie of life.
Maybe it's the perfect strangers that tell us that you are not completly screwed, the ones that will let us know in a stange way, that we are not alone, and that there are people out there who don't hate us.
We just have to find them.

Memories and Fancy Things.

I think about a lot of things, especially now that my brain is no longer on school mode. Most of all, I think of my past. I think about my past with relationships, and my past family memories. Most of all, I think about my grandfather.
In my life, I have met thousands of different people, but one person that will always stick to me like glue is my grandfather. He, a product of two italian immigrants, the youngest of four siblings, is an inspiration of me. He's the first example of decent men, the person that is a father figure to me. He was a great man, that Sonny. Some knew him as a friend, some knew him as family, and some knew him as a patient. He was a man with great humor, some people can tell you the stories of what he used to do, like dressing up like a woman.
Many people say that they can barely remember their grandparents, because they either moved to Florida, or deceased before they were born, but I remember my grandfather as being like a father to me. When I had my eye surgery, he was the one that took me. When I had doctor's appointments, he usually was the driver, with my grandmother in the front seat telling him what to do. When I was sick, he sat next to me watching endless kid shows, more than any kind of grown man could ever stand. His favorite was Mr. Rogers, mainly because of the trains. Personally, he kind of reminded me of him.
When I think of my grandfather, I won't think of the man that he currently is, a vegetable at a hospital, just waiting for his number to die. I think of someone who has the greatest sense of humor on the planet, the man who always did the right thing, the man that always spent summer afternoons polishing his vintage Cadilac. He was the original guido. I won't think of the man who sleeps all day, the man who was always violant whenever he had to take his pills, or was up at three in the morning singing.
Some say dementia is something that kills you years before you die. And I believe it's true. The disease robs you of your soul. My grandfather, a sufferer of the disease, I believe is dead years ago, because once you lose your soul and your mind, you have nothing.

The Days With Your Girlfriends.

There are some times when you need to run away from all of your probelms, run away from all of your issues with the opposite sex, run away from everything that made you feel sad.
And then we spend time with our girlfriends, taking pictures of each other acting like idiots, enjoying subs by the fountain, trying on dresses and just being general spazzes. (This is how I spent my day with Charlotte, not going to lie.)
Sometimes, after heartbreak, or trials in love rather, you need sometime with your friends, because to all of you girls and the guys that are with him, out there, you need some time to yourself. You need time to unwind, scream into the mountains about your frustrations.
So, what else are best friends for? Hearing you scream of course.
I seldom wish that I was in a relationship with Luke Danes, the way that Chris is with Sookie, although I am happy for them, because they are two really good friends of mine, and they both went through hell relationshipwise. But I guess some people aren't that lucky, and I can not help but think about the relationship I desire, when I talk to them I can't help but think in the back of my mind of being jealous. I guess that some people have to wait a longer time before getting into the relationship that they deserve.
With girlfriends, I guess that they are the ones that pick you up when you're down, whether its boy related, or other things related. We have challenges, and they help us. Good things happen, and they are the first to be called. When Mr. Big leaves you sad, you just sit there, and cry on the phone with them for hours on end, because they are amazing like that. Friends are before bros, because your hoes will be there when your bro gets a slut to fool around with. Friends are the ones that will always be there for us, (well the good ones anyways) I'm lucky to have Charlotte as a best friend, in addition to Sookie, Jenni, and Miranda. I guess that at the ashes of every bad thing, there is someone to help you out of the black hole, and then point and laugh at the person who brought you in there.
I'm glad that I have Charlotte, to pick me up when I'm down, someone to enjoy my good days, and to help me out of my supermassive black holes of depression. The days with your girlfriends are the days that when your old and married, (or in a relationship, like Sookie), you will always have them to look back on and laugh. Of course, when you are with a guy, don't froget your girls. That's just bad best friend code, because they were there first.

Putting All Your Eggs In One Basket

I just recently realized that I have the tendency to fall deep. To fall harder for someone that's not falling for you, and you hit rock bottom and then you realize you were being stupid.
Yup, that sounds like me.
I often say I have advice for everyone but myself. And it's because I have trouble ripping off a band-aid. I have trouble facing the truth, and often I run from it.
I guess that's not always going to be one of my greatest qualities.
Maybe I should wait and fall for someone whose falling for me.
Or maybe I should just do nothing and hope for the best.
Yes, I think I will do that.
I have putting your eggs in one basket syndrome. I have the tendency to put a lot of hope into something that sooner or later would turn into ashes.
Ashes to ashes we all fall down.
Now I know the meaning of that rhyme. Now it all makes sense to me.
I often wonder if I have become the old woman who nobody likes at age seventeen. I often wonder if I will ever end up in a relationship. After all, if the world's fattest twins can find love, I guess I can too? (I got that from Sex and the City)
Maybe this is the beginning of my story.
Maybe I should write a book. Hey, I think I will do that.

"Don't Cry, Get a Bag, and Get Over It."

So Luke doesn't like me.
In some ways, I guess I never did like him, I only liked the thought of him liking me. I only liked the thought of him liking me. I only liked the thought of someone actually thinking that I am more than a pair of breasts and a vagina.
I will be fine, I know I will. I don't have feelings, after years or trial and error in the dating world, it seems that I have become a robot when it comes to love. No emotions, just someone to keep me company when I need someone to tell me I'm pretty, someone to tell me that I mean something other than the fat girl wearing converse shoes.
I guess I should follow Fergie's advice, and buy a bag, and get over it.
I guess I should focus on the things that truely matter, like getting a license, and a job, and getting into college.
Sometimes I often wonder, if I could ever love again. If I could ever find someone again. I always seems to strke out when it comes to love. Will I ever hit a home run?
And that leaves me with one question...
Why does Big come into mind again?

Dear Me, At 13.

Yesterday, I had read an old issue of 17 magazine, where stars would write to their former selves. So, I figured what the hell, I might as well do it too. So I decided to write a letter to my former self, when I was thirteen, because I am cool like that.

Dear Natalie,
Okay, you're thirteen now, a teenager, and you probably think you know everything. But, you know nothing, and you have lots to learn, so shut up and read.
In the next four years in you're life, you will do a complete 180 from what you thought you would be. You would date one person seriously, and then spend two years of your life getting over him. It will all be worth it though, because you learn so much about love, and relationships through that experience.
You will make great friends, including one girl Charlotte. You become a member on the badminton team in your junior year, and you will pick up your flute again and become a beast at it.
Basically the advice that I will give you is to love yourself. It's all you need in life, in addition to some chocolate here and there. The relationship that you have with yourself is the one that matters the most, the one that you will need when all else fails.
You will date around, and you will get your heart broken. Remember that you are young, and to enjoy every moment of it, because you're only young once. Listen to your heart (yes I know that's cheesy, but I don't care,) and don't fall into the traps of haters. Just be yourself, and it will fall into place.
Sincerly,
Natalie

The Never Ending Playlist.

Since it's summer, I've been exploring some new music, all of which is amazing. So, I think I should share it with you, because all you readers out there could always use some new music to spice up you're day. (And if you have some good music for me, please comment back with some. I like to explore new music, no matter how different it may seem)

• "Til I Collapse" by Eminem. This song bascially is the best song to work out to. It gives me such great energy when I'm running. In additon to that, it's quite catchy, and it gives you the motivation to go on, when you really don't want to.
• "Y Control" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. New music obsession! I love the rocker indie edge of the song, and I can't wait to explore more into their discography. I'll probably
• "Shoulda Said No" by Taylor Swift. Charlotte got me into her, no lie. But she IS really talented. This is the ultimate song to blast when you're going through break ups, in addition to it just being catchy.
• "Oxygen" by Colbie Calliat. Okay, I hated her for a while, not going to lie. But Charlotte got me into her, and then I like legit fell in love with her music. I dedicate this song to Luke Danes, because when I listen to it, I am reminded of him.
• "Breakout" by Miley Cryus. Okay, I'm a Miley Fan. Deal with it. This is one of my favorite songs to listen to during the summer, because it reminds me of summer, and it's like my summer theme song for the past three summers.
• "Jesus Walks" by Kayne West. I love this song, and it's message.
• "Crazier" by Taylor Swift. I dedicate this to Luke.

Well, here you go. Please don't hate my odd music taste.