Decesions.

We often make choices in our lives. Some are good, and some are bad. Some are small and meaningless, while some can affect life as we know it. Some choices are easy to make, whereas others, ehhh, not so easy.
I often wonder about things. Why do we get served with crappy things when we should deserve the best? It only makes sense right? I wonder when things would fall into place. When things would be better, when I would feel no pain of the decesions that I have made. Every decesion is something that has it's own consquence, whether it makes me happy or sad. Some decesions, like deciding to never speak to someone that has given you life, someone that although their DNA is a part of you, you know nothing about
He leaves you and expects you to be okay with the things and then you feel like you are the one that has caused damage, when really it isn't. Because of him, I feel alone. I feel like people don't care about me, and that someone would leave me. I feel like people would leave and abandon me, and sometimes, because of this, I feel unloved. I don't know why I feel that way, I just do. I wish I never touched sadness, because it's a hard thing to touch. I don't like the harsh feel of it, I want the pillow like thing of happiness. I feel it sometimes, and I enjoy it. With distractions, my little sister, and my other best friends, they make me happy. They make me feel like I mean something. I feel happy.
I wish I could never feel pain so I wouldn't have to make the decesion, the hardest one, of not feeling it. I wish unhappiness, mixed with grief, never existed. But it does, in the some senses. Sometimes, we wish that it would never exist, because then we wouldn't have to feel sadness. But then, it's the pain that makes you strong. Grief, and crying, and all of the sadness that I feel, I'll get over it. I just want someone to catch me when I stumble, and want to cry.

Love.

Love is something that I often am curious about. But it's something that I want desperatly. Someone to embrace me, someone to love me for being myself. I don't know, I guess I've been watching too much Twilight, and it's starting to get in my head. I guess I want someone to love me, or to excite me, because let's just face it, sometimes day to day life can be boring. But that's when we need to take a break from all of that, and share the things that matter. Of course, some of the things in day to day life truly matter, but sometimes, we need a break from the day to day life, and we have someone that will always be there to celebrate with us, and someone who will always be there for you no matter what. You want that, and sometimes, you often doubt your own self, and that person would be there for you.
Love is the relationship between you and your best friend. Then there's that love that Bella and Edward have, that love that Carrie and Big have, and the love that Rose and Jack have. That love is something that lasts forever from the first moment you meet someone. Our loves up until that point, they don't matter. Sometimes, you just meet someone and you click, because they are right for you, or some kind of lame thing like that. I often wonder about that.
Love. The craziest four letter word in the English dictionary.
I want to experience it.

Rainy Days.

Rainy days make me sad.
I don't know why, they just do. Something about the coldness and the wetness. It makes me feel lonely.
That and the fact, that NOT having a person to cuddle with isn't exactly a fun time. I want to be loved too you know? I wish more people told me that they loved/liked me. Sometimes I feel like I'm annoying everyone, even though I probably am. If I am, I'm sorry if I am annoying you, I just like talking to people. Or I have something I need to tell you. One or the other. Or like today I'm sad because I feel like my own father doesn't give a shit about me. We haven't talked since August, and it makes me really sad.
Wahhh I want someone to talk to.
Wahhh, I want something to do.
Sarah Brightman, you are not helping.

Faith.

Sometimes, we need faith. In ourselves, in others, and even in the big man upstairs. That way, we have something to put our hearts to. We have someone to catch us when we fall.
Today I got accepted into my number one college. Thank you to my italian teacher, my cousin, a family friend, and of course GRANDPA who is watching and hopefully smiling in heaven. And thanks to all of the people that I've driven nuts over the past three days. I'm grateful for you and for your support!

To Be In Love.

What does is mean to be in love? Does it mean to know nothing, and to fall in blindly? Do we understand what it's like to be in love? Do we even notice it, or does the rest of the world find out before we do?
To me, falling in love is more scarier then...well then falling off a cliff. Cliffs are a lot less scarier because if you're lucky, there will be water, and you can swim in water. If you fall in love, then there's a risk of no one catching you, and then you become sad and broken.
I'm afriad of love, for the reason of being broken. I don't want to be broken.
To be in love, I guess is to put all of your silly little cares aside and to want to open yourself up to someone. And I guess at the end of the day, being in love is caring about someone. Sometimes you care about them more than they will ever care about you. Sometimes, you become upset that they have left you. Hence the Twilight Saga, Bella Swan, please. Jacob was so much better for you. Love is something that changes, but never ceases. You can love multiple people, but still never fallen in love.
But what does it mean to fall in love? Do we have to only fall in love once in our lives, then we will be good? Can we fall in love again? What is all this mumbo jumbo? I don't get it.

Lady GaGa

So yesterday I saw Lady Gaga's new music video. And I must say, it was amazing. Marry the night is one of the best music videos that I have ever seen. My mind has been blown by watching and experiencing this video, which is one of the best I've ever seen. In addition to that, Marry the Night has become one of my favorite songs, from the moment I heard it in May. It has a great message, which I love.
Lady GaGa is one of the most inspiring women in all of show business, and with this music video, my mind has been blown. She thinks outside what the record company wants her to be, and is one hundred percent herself. She doesn't care what others percieve her. She writes her own music, and isn't autotuned. She's one artist that will truly last. I'm proud to be a Lady GaGa fan, and not afraid to admit it.
Lady GaGa, keep up with the music, and impressing us with the amazing music!

Boredom.

I really miss having cable. Stupid comcast. All I could watch is the news. I don't like the news. They depress me.
Anyways, hi. This is a blog. In case you haven't noticed, and were looking for cookies or something. So, hi. Normally, I have lots of opinions, and stuff to share with you all. But today, I don't. So, I'm going to sing a song. lalalalaala
Okay, serious time.
I've been thinking about two regrets that I have. Ditching a good friend, whose ALWAYS been there for me, and of course, not taking the time to see my grandfather more. Both suck. Both are full of regret. Both I can't undo.
I'm sorry grandpa. I still love you. I just wish that I could talk to you.

Andandand: If you have my number, PLEASE text me. I'm bored. Save me from being bored. For the next three days.