Decesions.

We often make choices in our lives. Some are good, and some are bad. Some are small and meaningless, while some can affect life as we know it. Some choices are easy to make, whereas others, ehhh, not so easy.
I often wonder about things. Why do we get served with crappy things when we should deserve the best? It only makes sense right? I wonder when things would fall into place. When things would be better, when I would feel no pain of the decesions that I have made. Every decesion is something that has it's own consquence, whether it makes me happy or sad. Some decesions, like deciding to never speak to someone that has given you life, someone that although their DNA is a part of you, you know nothing about
He leaves you and expects you to be okay with the things and then you feel like you are the one that has caused damage, when really it isn't. Because of him, I feel alone. I feel like people don't care about me, and that someone would leave me. I feel like people would leave and abandon me, and sometimes, because of this, I feel unloved. I don't know why I feel that way, I just do. I wish I never touched sadness, because it's a hard thing to touch. I don't like the harsh feel of it, I want the pillow like thing of happiness. I feel it sometimes, and I enjoy it. With distractions, my little sister, and my other best friends, they make me happy. They make me feel like I mean something. I feel happy.
I wish I could never feel pain so I wouldn't have to make the decesion, the hardest one, of not feeling it. I wish unhappiness, mixed with grief, never existed. But it does, in the some senses. Sometimes, we wish that it would never exist, because then we wouldn't have to feel sadness. But then, it's the pain that makes you strong. Grief, and crying, and all of the sadness that I feel, I'll get over it. I just want someone to catch me when I stumble, and want to cry.