I guess love is something that I often question. I often question the meaning, where would one find it, where could I stumble upon it, so my little world can be turned upside down. I often wonder about fate, about how it all works, about whose really the one that I will marry, and actually stay married to for longer than 72 days (sorry Kim.) I wonder if the chills that I get have anything to do with you, and then I don't wish that they would stop because then I could feel something.
I guess that a father's love is something that I've always wanted, craved and desired. I want my dad to be in my life, but I realize that it's no longer possible. I don't want to hurt myself, because I don't want to put myself through a bunch of lies, a bunch of jabs, and having to go through a battle everytime I see him. I guess that at the end of the day, I made the decesion to no longer have any ties with him with myself in mind. Selfish? Yes. But at the end of the day, being selfish is something that you have to do to protect yourself.
I often think about the last time I ever saw my grandfather. The way his eyes looked, sad and gray. I remember him saying "be happy." I remember walking out of that room, realized that I would never be able to see him alive again. I remember tripping over the machine...and almost knocking him out...sorry Grandpa. It breaks my heart to think about things like that, but sometimes, I want to talk about it.
Love, death, and anger.
What a wierd amount of emotions....
Oh, and 5780 words!
No comments:
Post a Comment