Dear Ex Lover...

Dear Ex Lover,
I don't know what exactly to call you. I don't even know if you were a lover, all I know is that I loved you. I don't love you anymore, but yet you still cross my mind.
I've known you since the beginning of my high school career. Maybe even longer. I don't know what on earth made me so damn attracted to you, but if I knew the damage it would have done to my heart, mind and soul, I would have turned a blind eye.
I don't think that I truly loved you. I might have then, but if it was meant to last, if it was more than me doing the effort all of the time, then maybe, my views on relationships now wouldn't be so upsetting and confusing. I'm afraid to have a relationship now, due to ours. I don't want that kind of love on which that you need someone for happiness. I'm afraid to love because I'm afraid to became this person who needs her boyfriend to survive. I don't want to need anyone, which is why I am afraid to get attached to someone. I don't want to be attached. Losing you, was perhaps something I have had never expected, but yet I have come to term that things are not always what you expect.
Anyways, I have to thank you. Because of you, I realized that things aren't always going to happen to me the way that I planned. I met someone who I really think I could like. But you taught me to be more afraid, and now, with time, I do wonder how much more I'm going to be afraid, and how much more I have to limit him from my heart. I never wanted him to be away, I just wanted him to be mine. I just wish that I had the balls, those balls that you took from me, to tell him.
When I hear you're doing well, I smile. When I think of you, I wish you nothing but good luck and good fortune. I wish you nothing but the best, because we both deserve it.
Good bye, and good luck,
Natalie