Ever have that thing that happened to you, that you wish has never happened? Whether it may be an affair, a divorce, or even an marriage, there are things in our life that no matter what you do, you just can't undo, or erase. They are there in your life, and you just can't get past them, can not go back in the past, and change what you did. You have to live in the age of no regrets, because if you have them, then you will live in a world of ghosts haunting in your closet.
In the end, I guess that once you end something, you can't rewind it. You can not go back, and change something, to get back to where you once were. You hurt the people you love, then you damage a bridge, burning whatever relationship that you have, or had with them.
I often wonder why one would leave a sacred commitment, like marriage, or fatherhood. Was it the hormones? Was it the fact that maybe, just maybe, you were in love? Or was it the fact that you were thinking with your sexual instincts, not your head? Was it true that your marriage was really over? Did you love and respect her enough to at least wait until after the wedding ring came off, before having sexual relations with your mistress.
Divorce is a hard topic for everyone, including myself. Being the product of divorced parents, I can see the distruction of what can happen when a marriage ends. The kids get hurt, the people involved get hurt, pretty much everyone would get hurt or affected in some way or another.
Coming from that sort of background, I have a lot of trust issues of my own. I often look for the love that my father that I have never felt the love of my father, since he really has not been a part of my life. I looked for it, and found it once, and once it left me, I thought that I would never feel happy again. But then, of course, I got over it....nine months later.
I also have to hear the same stories over and over again. Who said what, who did what, why who did what, etc. I have one question...how can you move on if you dwell on things that have happened decades ago? How can I move on, when all you kids talk about is each other? Aren't you sposed to be the parents while I'm the child. I am going to be seventeen years old, in less than three months, yet you guys dwell on things when I was three? I don't want to hear that anymore. It's too much for me to handle..and it's not just one of your faults. It's both of yours faults. You guys tug me back and forth like a yoyo, begging me to hear that you were the victim of what happened. Yes, you got cheated on, and yes, you got screwed in your divorce, but you know what? I was the damn victim too!
You two will never understand what it's like to not know your father. Or to hear your mother talk on and on about how she was sticked by her husband for a younger, blonder, thinner woman.
To both my parents, I ask you one thing. Stop talking, and let me live. Let me breathe, because otherwise I will run away. I can not take being pushed and pulled in all sorts of directions forced to believe one story over the other persons. Can't I love you both, no questions asked? Or must I pick one of your sides. There's always going to be three sides: his, hers, and of course the truth. I guess after fifeteen years of hearing various verisons of the same stories, that you don't want to hear them anymore. I'm tired of hearing it, and I want to be able to say I love both of my parents. But stop with the pulling and pushing..I'm done with hearing all of this stuff.
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