Monday, July 18, 2011

A Closet Child.

Ever have someone be ashamed of you? Whether it be a parent, or a boyfriend or someone else, it feels the same. It just sucks, because someone thinks that you are worth nothing, and that you aren't good enough to fit into the picture frame of their life.
To my father, I don't give a shit what your damn wife says. I don't give a shit if she threatened to walk and leave you with nothing. Damnit, I'm your daughter. I should be more important, Dad. I should be the one that you care about. Dad, you screwed up. You were the one that walked out when I was just two years old. You were the one who fought for the rights, and then chose not to see me. I don't get it why you have time to babysit the neighbor's children, but yet, you never did shit for me. I don't get it that whenever I go up to see you, your friends say that they didn't know that you had a daughter, you selfish bastard. I don't get it why you never showed up to anything, concerts (well some), doctor's appointments, and all of that shit. I was never a damn priority with you, and I am your daughter.
Dad, I want to mean something other than the sperm that met my mother's egg seventeen years ago. I'm a person, with a heart made of glass. You hurt me, and although I try to make amends, you go two steps foreward and one step back. We need to make progress. I don't want to hear speeches, I don't need that in my life. I'm done with all of that bullshit. I just need a chance.
Or was wanting a change between us just one of your lies, you asshole?
You, Dad, unlike the others are one person I didn't think would be ashamed to be around me. Do I not fit your life anymore? Am I only cool when your good and ready? I can take a boy being ashamed of me, but you Dad, I didn't see this coming. Thanks for seventeen years of disappointments.

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